Muffin Top

It sounds yummy, right? Not so though. Muffin top is what people now call that unfortunate lump of flesh that gathers around our hips and waist. They say it piles on faster after menopause. (remember when the M word sounded like something in the distant future??)

But I've seen young chicks dressed like they don't realize they have one. It's not an attractive look. Much like spying an open fly or someone's thong sneaking out of their jeans, it's hard to keep from looking at the train wreck that is a jiggly belly dressed in a crop or tight top.

Don't you hate it when it's time to start baring flesh again after a long winter? I like that the weather is looking up but it's more painful each year to look at my aging body uncovered.

What am I going to do? My roomies and I plan to begin cooking together and eating healthier evening meals. I'll be walking outside more too. Several friends have been doing the Weight Watchers thing - and they look great! I'm jealous.

People think they look healthier when they're tan, but my skin (and my dermo) tells me tanning isn't good. My lilly white skin (thanks Momo Bullock for that) has never been tan friendly. So, hmmm no tits, and white - thank god I did get a few brain cells to rub together!

I tried to tan when I was young. Those days when we would rub Baby Oil on to enable the frying. Oh, and I was a lifeguard - long hours in the blazing sun. In college, one early hot spring day we laid out for so long that I swelled up due to sun poisoning. Dumb! I'm paying for it now, during annual skin checks where the Doc fries suspicious spots off with liquid nitrogen.

So I'll do what I can with fake tan lotions and stinky foam. I've never been in a tanning bed and never will. And I don't sit in the sun without sunscreen, covering up or retreating to shade often. I might be jiggly and white, but I'm self-righteous. I feel superiorly smart about my skin health.