25 years after Patrick

We knew you but a short time. You are not forgotten. Never forgotten.

It would have been Patrick's 25 birthday on December 2nd. He was born 12/2/91 and passed away 12/8/91. The first couple days of his life were fine. I feel bad thinking back, that I took it for granted.

Then his heart crashed and he was rushed via air ambulance to Blank Children's Hospital in DSM. He was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart syndrome. There were really no good options for us at that point, other than to disconnect life support. We took him home to the Creston Hospital where he passed away in our arms.

That experience was life-changing. When we first got to Des Moines and the pediatric cardiologist met Paul and me, she led off by saying, "You have a beautiful son." I knew that was the worst news. My heart sank. 

Periodically I re-live that moment. A telling moment in my life - when I grew up. I didn't live in a fairy tale anymore.

How many times did that doctor have to give devastating news to people like us? Your son's heart is incomplete. It was a death sentence back then - today, there are more options.

I didn't want to believe the doc. But it was true. And so he passed away at only six days of age. We went home with empty arms, to two young children who needed our care. I needed to heal, and parent. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Looking back, I don't know how I did it. Or how we kept our marriage together. It's easy to be angry at your partner when he doesn't grieve like you do. Guys (at least mine) don't want to talk about it. They want to work in their shop and build stuff! I read every book in the Compassionate Friends library (a cardboard box of books). Books about other parents who had lost children - I wanted to read about their pain, and then get to the end of the book. Just to make sure they got through it.

Our priest, Father Howard stopped by periodically, just to make sure we were doing okay. We'd make popcorn and chat. Amy and Jud, then ages six and not quite three, kept us busy. Amy was very compassionate. She'd draw cards showing Patrick as an angel - always including him as part of our family. Jud didn't quite understand what happened, but he was do adorable and made us laugh. 

For better, for worse was a vow Paul took seriously. You never really now how someone will be during tough times until you go through them. Though I don't recommend it, Paul is a wonderful partner to go through hell with. He put up with a wife who had a lot of tears to cry. He entertained the kids during those times, getting supper on the table too. Yep, I picked a good one!

Slowly we worked through the toughest part of our grief. It never really goes away. Especially around Patrick's birthday I always wonder, "what if"? He'd have been a busy guy, standing up with his brother and sister in two weddings in 2016 and 2017. Maybe he'd be living in our basement. Haha! I am too "Pat Bullock" for any of our kids to think of living there for long.

Our family is growing! We've added a daughter - Jud's wife Kara. In 2017, we'll add Amy's fiancé Corey to the fam. Our angel has more people to watch over now.

RIP Mrs. Brady

My mother let us watch a lot of television. Except the Brady Bunch. That show was banned from the two Bullock TVs - a Zenith console, color and a smaller black and white set downstairs - set on one of those metal racks.

Why, of all shows did Mom ban this one? She disdained how unlike real life the show portrayed American families. I think there was mumbling about how it "made her teeth rot". Too sweet. Thus the poor Bullock girls had to resort to catching glimpses of the popular show at neighbor's homes. Betso remembers popping next door to the Reinertsons to see it.  Rosemarie evidently was not taking a stand on the Bradys.

As the years went by, Mom slacked off in her edict. We watched re-runs and didn't even think of comparing that family to ours. By then I was older and was able to watch with a jaded eye. Some of the kids had gotten into "trouble" in real life by then. Aha! Mom was right. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. The housekeeper, Alice, was my favorite character. I'm sure Mom would have loved to have a live-in Alice around too - to help with the toil of raising four girls.

RIP to Florence Henderson, aka Mrs. Brady - another icon from the 1970's gone.

Another Thanksgiving is in the past, but giving thanks is not. This year has had many ups and a few downs. When things aren't going so well, I only need think of all of you - my family and friends. I feel the warm puppy by my side as I write this. I call Odie a pup, but is soon to be 12. She's really an old broad with a gray muzzle. She helps enrich my days. It's the little things.

Some of the Goldsmith clan celebrated Thanksgiving with us. Paul is the turkey master. I appreciate everyone pitching by bringing something! I loved getting out the special family china. It brings back memories from many meals through the decades. The gravy boat is my favorite piece.

The platter is stored in a back closet - huge enough for a whole hog. I believe the set is the combination of two grandparent's sets. It's fragile and lovely. No dishwasher for this stuff....

Carol had to break it to us that our antique baster circa 1970, thanks to Zora Bullock) was shot - no suck left.

Foxes and Archers - can't believe Mandy is a HS senior!

A great team,  Carol and Paul - uniting for gravy

The best part about hosting a meal? Leftovers! I had pie for breakfast. Next we get so celebrate Christmas with our children (that now includes their spouses and "to-be spouses" in Colorado. We'll see Aunt Marty, Lamm cousins and my sis and nephew. Maybe even Jordan and Jill! What a way to finish up the year. I hope your tummies are full and you had some "Brady" moments yesterday. Or not...

Front Porch

Jud and Kara moved into their new home last week.

Doesn't it have a beautiful front porch? As my Aunt Marty says - it looks like a happy place. Complete with a front porch swing. I can't wait to visit.

All of the homes Paul and I have owned have had small front porches - stoops really. Nothing as grand as this. It reminds me of my grandparent's home at 909 Poplar in Atlantic. I have so many great memories of that home - the place my father and his sisters grew up.

It's on Zillow now, so I was able to get photos of what it looks like today. Someone has taken good care of this beauty!

I wonder if there are still peonies along the left side of the sidewalk?

We always went in through the back door - so this was our view. The kitchen. This was where my grandma, Zora Clayton Stewart Bullock whisked the turkey to when the card table holding the turkey collapsed - tossing said bird to the ground. It was Thanksgiving and my great uncle Max Bullock was attempting to carve the turkey. That's my recollection anyway. My gran, Momo, proudly brought the turkey back out moment later saying, "good thing we had a spare!"

Beautiful fireplace

We spent many holidays in that home, playing games in the front hall. We'd play with the toys our father and aunts once played with - board games from pre WW2. Tiddly Winks into the corn bread container. Sometimes we would bravely go down into the cellar - unfinished and chilly. Or the attic, where I was told the insulation (by sister Cindo no doubt) would swallow me alive. In each of those places there were remnants of my aunties and Dad - prom gowns, toys and books, like the Bobbsey Twin and Nancy Drew.

So much built in storage

 There were four bedrooms upstairs at the home. It was fun to stay overnight with Momo and Bubba (Wallace Orville Bullock). And sleep in the room at the top of the stairs. Once retired, my grandfather took oil painting lessons in Omaha. He became quite good, winning ribbons at area art shows. I have a couple of his works. I remember the front bedroom filled with easels, paints and paintings in various stages of completion.

In the early 1970's my grandparents moved to a condominium (Bub couldn't ever say that work right - he called it a condo -ninium). It was lovely and fit their needs with everything on one floor. My former boss at the gas station, Harry Hjortshoj and his wife purchased the house on Poplar. We were glad to see it go to someone who would love it as we did.

And so it goes from life's front porches. No matter where we live, be it a house with a big front porch, or an apartment in a city or a townhouse. We are all connected - creating memories. We are family.

A photo from 909 Poplar - living room

I'm wishing everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Post Birthday Reality Check - political alert.

My first week at age 59 didn't go so well in my view.

• I have a sinus infection
• After a Bone Scan the past week, I learned Monday that I have Osteoporosis
• The election didn't go the way I hoped

Life is certainly a roller coaster. It takes a lot to get through it at times. The sinus infection is one of those brief blips. With an assist from a ZPack and time, I should be back to my usual sinus self in a few days.

The Osteoporosis diagnosis was a bigger blow. I asked my healthcare provider, former Crestonite and longtime pal, Sheryl Young about the Bone Scan because I had read that people with Grave's Disease were at risk for lost calcium. She arranged the scan for me at age 59 - prior to the usual 60 year threshold due to that and my broken bone last year. Even so, I have it in my head that I am Super Woman - immune to such things!

When Sheryl called Monday to tell me I have the disease I was stunned. In my mind I had pictured people with Osteoporosis being hunched 90 year-olds with blu-ish hair. Not me! Now I have to decide my method of treatment - more calcium for sure, bumped up to 1,200 milligrams from the 900 I was taking. Weight bearing exercise. And a medication to be determined - by what my insurance company agrees to. (yeah - they are the experts..). I'm hoping to do the twice yearly shots. Sheryl says perhaps these things could even build up my bones. Fingers crossed. I'm glad I found out and am treating this issue. I will continue to be careful about falls.

Next came the Tuesday election. I'm still coming to terms with the result. I always knew it could happen. I'm weary. I'm so very tired of playing defense - the constant anger, obstruction and criticism directed toward the current administration. In some ways this will be a relief.

I remember eight years ago. Many Americans woke up feeling like I do now - in reverse. I vow to not act like some of them have towards Obama - so very disrespectful, in fact downright hateful. This president-elect is testing me to my limits due to things he has done and said in his past. I appreciated his first speech. I hope he means it.

Here are a few a my fears:

• For the environment - are we going to go back to the 1970's where businesses and anyone could pollute the air, land and water however they wish to? Or have businesses learned that they must be good stewards of this world?
• Women's rights when it comes to their own bodies. Would outlawing legal abortion drive it underground as it was before it was legal? Will legislation allow women to die, sparing the fetus? If so, what happens to the children left behind? Why would fetuses have more rights than women?
• For minorities and immigrants. I know that most of the people who voted for the president-elect are not racists, but this election has elevated racist acts. There are those who don't blame Trump - they blame the media. Or Obama. No matter where this new boldness by racists is coming from - telling those of color to "go back to where they came from", We The People need to put an end to it. We cannot allow students to chant "Build A Wall". We need to speak up! It is learned behavior, and must be dealt with. This must be condemned from the top on down.  
• Health insurance - Republicans have campaigned on repeal and replace for many years, but nobody seems to really know what this means. Will 20 million be kicked off insurance plans? Will those like my cousin with a pre-existing condition still be able to get insurance?
• My niece plans to marry her partner Jill in Colorado next year. Will their marriage be threatened by this election? Will businesses continue to stand up against discrimination against LGBT?

That's enough for now. I'm trying. I want this country to succeed. I will try not to encourage posts comparing the new first lady past ones. That was very unfair to Michelle Obama and would be unfair now.

If a member of congress yells out "Liar" during a State of the Union Address, I will condemn him/her. There has been too much of that these past eight years. It has hurt. Decorum has suffered and the president deserves a level of respect that Obama never received from many in the country. Now those same people demand it for Trump. I will give it to him because of the office.

I traveled to Zearing yesterday for work. Rural Iowa voted for Trump. They are suffering. Their world has changed and the past eight years has not helped them. In my view life will never be the same in small town Iowa, but people will adapt. They are good people out there. I always see something cool in the towns we visit. Check out this sign.

A local soda pop bottled in Marshalltown back in the day

Friday Birthdays

Birthdays stopped being something to really look forward to when I graduated from college. Until then each birthday involved a fairly large celebration with me, the birthday girl being surrounded by friends and loved ones. Yeah. I'm spoiled like that.

Photos from early birthdays show Lil Leslie and friends (some were boys) all dressed up at the Bullock house at 202 Crombie. Mom knew I loved chocolate cake, so there were variations each and every year. One year we took all of my little friends to a football game out of town for my birthday - just sitting loose in the back of the 'ol green station wagon. Mom made up little goodie bags for everyone - with popcorn and candy. Way to go Mom!

• Then, when I was older, Mom succumbed to the "Slumber Party" craze. I was a good little beggar. Our house had no insulation in the basement ceiling. Some girls could go all night with "Mary Worth" and the "Lift Game" Ouija Board stuff - no sleep. There was bound to be a catty fight or two. Pat Bullock would usually have to pound her foot and the floor and tell us to quiet down - which lasted all of 15 minutes. That caused my own birthday party to be stressful. Oh for the days of stress free day parties when we popped balloons with our butts.
• By the time I hit High School, big parties were out, but my group of friends would celebrate each other's big day. We'd exchange gifts and go out to eat. Turning 16 was obviously a huge one. That was when I got the keys to the family green Ford Station Wagon. Awesome. haha. Our family had purchased a 1972 Chevy Vega as well - but Cindy had that at college - Drake University. During the winter my grandpa allowed me to drive his 1971 baby blue Volkswagon Beetle. I had a bit more swagger when I drove those cars - both manual transition stick shifts. It's been years since I drove a stick, but think I could still do it. Like riding a bike, right. Oops - back analogy for me...
• College birthdays were awesome! Especially my 20th, when it fell on a Friday - just like last night. That year, 1977 the Big 4 (Sally Rodgers, Jane Flack and Vick Gernand + me) made a plan to FAC (Friday Afternoon Club) at the CaveInn downstairs. Our dorm floor had a "meet up" with a guy's floor. That night I got to dance to the Beetles' "Tonight is Your Birthday" and received birthday kisses from a bunch of guys. There was cake and beer along with loud music in that dark bar that afternoon. It was perfect!
• The year I graduated from college, I worked on my birthday. There was cake. And work. I got cards and people called me long distance. (before cell phones, right) Real world shit! The party was mostly over.
• Okay let's not go into some pity party like bdays suck after college. But once you go to work - and your day is on a work day, they are kinda normal days.
• I have had some fun along the way. My pal Deb and I have birthdays near each other and have had some parties through the years.
• That's why a Friday or other weekend day birthday is special! I work half days on Friday - so I got to pamper myself part of the day yesterday. Last night we went downtown to try a new joint called Bubba. It was so gorgeous out that we took a spin around the sculpture garden prior to heading to the restaurant. I don't often get birthdays in the 70's with sun.

• I ordered the meat loaf with cheesy mashed potatoes. There was pecan pie for dessert. About then we spied some of Jud's besties from college coming up the stairs at the restaurant to celebrate a birthday. We'd seen them last at Jud and Kara's wedding. It was a fun way to end the evening!
• Amy had called me earlier in the day and Jud called as we drove home. Facebook friends wished me a happy day. Life is good!