This goes out to Pat B. and all the mommies

fashion shot Pat Morehead  -around age 16

Without a doubt, my own mother Patricia Nelle Morehead Bullock was the biggest influence my life - the early years. She was a strong, intelligent woman who always advocated for me to do something with my life. She also held each of us Bullock girls accountable for our actions. I love talking with my sisters about her when we get together. During the 2020 pandemic, we've been video-chatting weekly. Before this, our interactions were much less frequent and were more likely to be email - less personal. So that is something good that has come from this invisible evil thing. 

Since she's been gone since 1997, sadly some of my memories are starting to fade.

Me and my Mommy

It's not like my Dad gets no credit in my upbringing. He was part of the formula - but Mom was the glue! To quote one of my fave priests (Father Leonard Kenkel..."thank you, thank you - even when I went to confession) for all you did" Mama.

On this Mother's Day weekend, I also must give a shout out to all those other moms out there - sorry to those I've missed. There are really too many to mention in this blog.  

• Laura Goldsmith, my mother-in-law, a kind, gentle and caring person of so many (9 children, 23 grandchildren). I never Laura say a mean word about anyone.
• My sisters - Susi forged the way, becoming a mom a year before I did. And Cindy and Betsy. All three are awesome mothers who have raised wonderful kids. Now, my niece, Leslie is even a parent herself! Since the original post, nephew Alex and wife Lisa became parents. I love being a great aunt, watching those little ones grow. 
• My Sisters-In-Law -  In my opinion, all the sisters and brother's wives did top-notch jobs as mommies - the 23 Goldsmith grandkids (21 without our 2) - nice people one and all! We're fortunate to be accumulating many great-nieces and nephews on that side as well. Love seeing those photos on FB.  
• Friends - first of all my college pals. Vicki was the first mom among us. She gave birth to Kelli the same year I had Amy. I copied her - on many things, but Amy was much less prissy than Kelli and didn't potty train herself.... Then Kay Wilt chimed in - bringing her girls into the mix. Such close families, fab kids. 
• Atlantic pals, Julia Hoilien, Pam Jepperson, Sally Rodgers, and Chris Watson - all strong loving mommas. 
• College roomie Jane Flack - parenting first three fab children  - who have grown to be great young adults. 
• Crestonians -
• We spent many evenings hanging out with the McFees sharing meals - the kids would play until someone had a problem. Then a mommy (or daddy) would have to settle it. Bobbie is a very organized, no-nonsense kinda mommy (similar to my parenting style) but she had a snuggler with Kim.  
• We also hung out with the McKims - another fam with children the same ages as ours. Diana always seemed to be cooking or coaching with her kids - they were well supported, passionately as only an Italian mamma can pull off.
• The Petersons, mothered by my pal Deb, were blessed with two sons. Deb came from a fam of all girls. She handled parenting boys gracefully - without snapping nearly as much as I might have when the testosterone was oozing and they were rassling or punting the football into each other's faces.
• Lucy Hyde, Joan Weis and other carpool pals - we swapped many a parenting story through the countless hours of carpooling to football, soccer and basketball games.
• Mary Faber - before that lady moved north, the Goldsmiths hung out with the McCann kids and Mary a great deal. She served as a great role model - someone who didn't allow her children to rule the roost. Mary seemed to get the job done without yelling or berating them. Hats off for that - I never quite mastered Mary's method.

There are many more of you Mommies out there - too many to mention. I was watching, you know. Moms - we all try our best. They who say it's the hardest job in the world. They're right!

Here are a few things I learned along the way.

• Babies seem so scary and fragile, but are tougher than they look. Moose bashed baby Kelli Behr's head on a ceiling (Playing "oops a daisy" in a bar). She cried like mad, but she is totally normal today...we think
• It's hard to not give in to a strong-willed child - especially when they are making a scene in a public place. You have to "pick your battles" but it you give in you'll be creating a monster
• I read many parenting books. (Not because Amy and Jud were lil monsters.) I'm a reader - that's how I learn. Parenting isn't innate. One must learn strategies!
• This is one thing that really resonated with me. Children truly want boundaries - rules. That's what makes them feel safe. If they are the ones setting all the rules then they have the power. That is overwhelming for them. In my opinion many families today are in this position - causing chaos.
• It's very easy to want to "fix" everything for your child. Even today - when my children are grown up. One should fight against doing that. Remember it's in battling against the bad things in life that one truly grows as a human being. Let your child fail. And then praise the heck out of them when they find a way back!
• Don't live your life over again through your child. Sure, if they like a sport or other thing that you enjoy - encourage it. That's only natural. But they are not a miniature you. 
• Be prepared for surprises - each generation thinks differently. Yours will too.  
• Let them go. Encourage it! If you blubber when they go off - to a friend's, to school, to grandma's it will make them feel sad/scared. It's hard and it makes moms sad. They came out of our bodies after all! But it's healthy for them. If you need to cry wait until they're gone. It should be an exciting time for them.
• While your child/kids are growing up, develop your own hobbies and nurture friendships. Don't be a martyr - thinking you will be doing the best thing by giving kids 100% your attention. Demonstrating a healthy marriage, (or healthy single parent who can deal with ex-husbands as the parent of your child), healthy friendships and hobbies is a great way to show you love them.
• I know, this all sounds preachy. Even to me. Parenting is much easier to pontificate than it is to do. I wasn't all that great at it. My children have many memories of times when I lost it. Why, oh why don't they remember the good stuff I did? I tell myself that's because that was everyday...

Children are much like the weather...except you don't get forecasts on TV and online. Those perfect days are so sweet! And on those other days - you just bundle up or strip down and go with it - dealing with it as best you can.

I sure enjoy watching and hearing about my little relatives and friends on Facebook and at work. The stories bring back memories of raising our children. I've had many titles through the years, but just like my mother before me...the one I'm most proud of is Mommy.

My fam at the circus in Atlantic