Female problems

Men (if I do have any male readers out there besides my beloved Pool Boy) avert your eyes. This blog is not for you. In fact for many of you it will be TMI. If you are squeamish about bodily functions, do not read this piece. But I feel compelled to tell my story, lest others out there are suffering as I have.

It all started a month or so ago. You might recall I found some lovely white pants to wear for my big work-related speaking engagement. I was stressed preparing for my part - talking in front of some 100 people from around the state including my bosses at a conference. I didn't sleep well that week and, though I haven't had a menstrual period for some 2 years, I was experiencing painful menstrual like cramps during the night.

Let me backtrack by explaining that exactly 2 years ago I underwent a procedure called uterine ablation to fry the lining of my uterus, so it would stop hemorrhaging huge amounts of blood each month. I blamed it my saggy baggy old uterus, as when I was younger I didn't have that problem. After the surgery I had a little spotting (I know - icky visual) for a couple months when I would have had a period. But then nothing! It was a miracle. And at first I did seem to still have all the other monthly signs - puffiness, breaking out on my chin, and yes - I know you find this hard to believe - bitchiness. But over this past winter, I had lost track of my period and wasn't even sure if I was cycling any more.

I had my annual physical earlier in May, and was scheduled to have my blood work done. I suggested to Sheryl my examiner (Nurse Practitioner, originally from Creston now practicing in Johnston) that I'd like to know if I was in menopause, along with the usual checking of liver and seeing what my cholesterol levels are.

So I was convinced I had ovarian cancer, until the blood work results came in and lo and behold. I'm not in menopause. So I was having menstrual symptoms, just no period. I figured it was just regular cramps though they were more painful than past cramps. After a few days, they were done. I talked to Sheryl and she said take Tylenol.

Then came this past week - 1 month after the first crampy episode. About Wednesday, I was again uncomfortable. Very painful cramps while sitting at an all day meeting - took meds and felt better later in the day. Came home Thursday and walked hard with my buddies Friday a.m. Cramps later in the day, but sleeping okay.

Saturday morning. Awaken around 7 a.m. painful cramps. Knee-buckling, moaning pain. Like contractions when I was in labor. Call my Doc's office (the one who did the ablation) Take Tylenol, hot bath. Doc's partner calls back - says take pain meds, hot pad. Look online for possible causes - may be post ablation problems.

Cry it hurts so bad! - low around my ovaries. Pressure. Drugs help a bit. Ate lunch and tried to go to WalMart for necessities. Feel pressure pain coming back - break out in a cold sweat paying for my purchases. Drive home. Hot pad, doesn't help - get in the tub again. Such pressure - finally, a gush in the tub. I'm bleeding! Pass several clots in the tub. (Not to be confused with the time I had an epiphany in the tub) Cry in the tub. But finally pressure is less. Thank God that's what I needed. It was like giving mini-birth!

So now I'm spotting. Plan to call my Doc in DM Monday. Jeeez. I don't need this! Eff womanhood, I want to be done with this crap. I don't want to plan my months around bleeding. My life commuting is complex enough already! Plus that pain. I don't think I've been in that much pain since...well I can't remember when. That was like a 7 or 8 on a scale of 10.

We'll see what Dr. Francesca Turner says. I love being a mommy and pregnancy was a miracle and all. But I am now old - all I have to do is look in the mirror to be reminded. Pleez doc make it go away again! The curse is right. And looking back - thank GOD I didn't begin hemorrhaging in my white pants during my talk for work, or at Wal Mart in the checkout line. Cleanup on Aisle 8!