Missing link

I think I got gypped out of part of my girl genes. Some women, girls even, are just born able to apply makeup and operate curling irons and other female tools. When I try to use a curling iron, I get a Mohawk. Eyelash curlers turn into instruments of torture – nearly poking my eye out. My makeup can fit in the palm of my hand. It’s a mystery to me what all those products my weekday roommate Kristina possesses in our shared bathroom are for.

My niece Jordan can take a piece of cloth and whip it into a most stylish looking scarf. Remember the 80’s? How could we forget – there was a scarf craze then too. But when I tried to do the little knotted scarf, it would wind up looking like a choker with a lump on the end. Dorky!

At Atlantic Jr. High, when I was 13 years old, we girl students had to take Home Economics. We learned about such things as cooking, makeup and sewing. What was my mother thinking, allowing me to purchase brown corduroy fabric to make a jumper? There has to be easier stuff to sew than that.

Our teacher Mrs. Elming took pity on me, and helped me a little. Even then, the garment wasn’t wearable and ended up smashed in my locker for the rest of the school year. I did learn a valuable lesson on sewing buttons on that has served me well through the years.

I don’t think the cooking/baking lesson took real well either. I sometimes have problems with the part about reading the recipe. One time when I was baking brownies, I suddenly remembered that I hadn’t put the eggs in. Too bad the batter had been in the oven for a while. When I tried to quickly add the eggs, well yep, they fried. Yum. Chocolate batter eggs.

Another time I put a roast in the crock pot without removing the last layer of shrink wrap. Oh, it was cooked by the end of a long work day. But it didn’t look real good. We tossed it. Sadly.

I was born a tomboy, and often feel inept when it comes to some of that girl stuff. My sister Betsy had a doll that was a giant Barbie head that was “Nice and Big” (that’s what the TV commercial said), and she could put makeup on it and curl its hair. I had GI Joe and his Buddy Charlie and their Jeep with missiles.

I guess I’ll never be a girlie girl.