Coping with Grief

The title of the blog seems like an oxymoron in the beginning. It was the title of a CBS Sunday Morning Show article today. I think that show segment was for me. I'm self-centered like that. I try to see little bits of karma as signs in my life.

Grief has been on my mind this week as we learned of the brief illness and death of our Creston neighbor Bill Taylor. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in mid-October and passed away Friday at age 55. Joni and Bill with children Colby and Jenna lived across the street from us on the west side of Creston. Bill grew up in the area - a Diagonal kid. Look it up. It's got to be one of the smallest high schools in Iowa now.

Bill has been a fixture at the excellent community college in town - coaching and more recently as an administrator. I'm certain his coaching chops also extended to Colby and Jenna's traveling basketball teams. Both of them had/have awesome college basketball careers at Iowa colleges. I've seen young people's comments on Facebook and other sites - "Bill took extra time to work with me."  And "Bill sent me a note of encouragement after the game and I still have it today"

And now...Bill is gone too soon. The Creston community, the Southwestern Community College community and beyond to his extended community of athletes and students he has impacted will surround this family with love. They will help bear the mantle of grief, as much as they are able to. But then comes the really tough stuff. My heart goes out to them and to their extended families. Your prayers are appreciated.

This time of year is always one of grief and fond memories for our family. It's the anniversary of when we lost our special Bolder - my sister Cindy's husband, in 2012. He had a larger than life personality. Cindy is doing great - newly retired and planning a few trips. Their son Colby manages El Sabor, a restaurant in Vail. It's amazing how much he can be like Bolder at times! We love hanging out with both of them. They miss Boldie every day. Here's to you oldie moldie Boldie!

Do you have anything that happens, that you see, that you feel is a sign from a loved one that has passed on? For our son Patrick, who died at ages 6 days of a heart problem, it's usually something in nature. But for my dad, it's dropped ice cubes. He couldn't get ice at home without dropping at least one cube (icemaker days - not the dreadful ice trays). Our present icemaker helps me to remember Dad often.

Bolder has been gone three years

May 2011 In his beloved Cutter and Buck windbreaker from Dad

Sometimes it's an east coast accent that reminds me of him. Or a voice - yelling out (he was a loud guy mostly). Nobody quite has the mumble down though - he was a mumbler when he drank scotch.

When I see a homeless person looking for change, I always remember my favorite Bolder story. I know, it sounds kinda crass - but hey, it's Boldie.

We were in Portland, OR after a fabulous trip with our whole family in Cannon Beach. We decided to do a little shopping before finding a place to eat and an older woman with funny eyes leaning up against a building hit us up for change. We walked on by and headed into a West Elm store, but the guilt bug got to Amy and she went back and gave her a $5 bill.

Summer 2012 in Cannon Beach

Later that night while we enjoyed a beverage, Bolder had to give  Amy some Uncle-like crap. Cindo and he were quite close to her as she spent a winter living with them right after she graduated from college. He said he thought it was stupid to give homeless people money - like that lady. "Amy - she probably went home to her mansion with her lazy eye and her lazy susan" he said. We all busted out laughing. Only Boldie could come up with something like that.




He's been gone three years now. We're still mad at him for dying on us like that - leaving my sister Cindy alone when she should be enjoying life with a loving, lovable knucklehead partner like him. I'm so glad Jud's fiance Kara got to meet him. I wish Amy's bf Corey would have been able to. There is really nobody quite like him. Bolder and Cindy's son Colby is quite a character in his own right, though. Bolder in making? Hmm Still, hard to believe it's been three years since I've seen his smiling face and heard him tell me emotional things (he was very emo).

Man I miss him.

More long pants weather

On Saturday we met Cindo for a quick lunch at Moe's Original BBQ in Lionshead (a Vail suburb) where her son Colby works as the manager. He also has now been promoted to manager at the Eagle store too. Way to go Colby-Monster!

Hands-on manager - does it all, Colby

 We had a southern bbq lunch, ribs, smoked turkey, black-eyed peas, corn bread and more. It was fab. Then we were off to Grand Junction where we knew another yumster meal was in store at the Alvillar home - Susi and Jim are great cooks. It's a lovely drive through the Glenwood Canyon to GJ and Amy, Cindy Paul and I enjoyed chatting on the way.

On the patio - Jim and Susan

Culotte steak was on the menu that night. Susi had been marinating it. The Alvillars told us about their recent European trip, and we enjoyed partaking from their wine cellar. The conversation is always lively with this group!

In the morning I took a walk enjoying the beautiful scenery.

View from the trail behind Susi's home

We piled into Jim's Toyota SUV and headed 10 minutes up to the Colorado National Monument - the daily view of the Alvillars, but a place they hadn't actually entered for years.

The sissies

After our Monument tour, we had brunch at Garfields and then pointed the Subaru back east. We spent a bit of time in Edwards at Bolder's favorite bar - E-town. His portrait is still displayed there.

Etown with Boldie looking down

On Monday, Cindy invited friends over for supper. Skirt steak this time! (we were eating our way through women's clothing). Paul got his yard work jones fulfilled by helping spread mulch on the berm in the yard. We did have an incident on our way to Home Depot.

Paul had selected a can of soda that turned out to be frozen and it erupted slowly like Mount St. Helen's in our car cup holder as we drove. I was afraid it might overflow onto the car carpeting - and leaned down to sip from the can, nestled between the seats, as the sticky liquid trickled out. Paul yelped, "people are driving by!" He was worried about appearances. I howled with laughter! That made it hard to drink. Later, Amy and I took a walk - she wore gloves. Walking is harder at 8,500 feet!

The dinner party was fun! All the usual characters were there - our Vail pals. Bonnie and Eric - Cindo is their sister wife (in name only). The Sanders, Jim and Shiloy and their adorbs son Reeve with his new girlfriend. The food was nummy - Cindy is a good cook. I didn't get that gene either, but am determined to work on it. The conversation was enjoyable. A good time was had by all.

We were up and out of there at 5 a.m. on Tuesday morning, stopping in Denver to drop our beloved Amy off and to say goodbye. It was a long drive home, but an audiobook kept us company. We only stopped twice! Odie had McDonald's eggs for breakfast because I left the darn food at Cindo's. Oh well. We'll be back! Love my peeps there. Thanks for everything.

Up the big hill

There was a little snow on the way up to Vail on Monday. It was nice and warm in Denver - but you know those pointy hills. They make their own weather! Once we got to the Eisenhower Tunnel there was evidence of morning snow, and we saw some spectacular clouds in the distance.

The photo through the car window doesn't do it justice

We got to Cindy's in Edwards - west of Vail, about 3 p.m. It's always so nice to hug my seester. I'm close to all my sisters, but I've spent the most time with Cindy and we are simpatico. She works so damn hard. She always has - in high school, through college and then when she hit this resort town when it was in its infancy, really when she moved here in 1976. Cindy often worked a couple jobs so she didn't need to move back to Iowa to live with Mom and Dad. (Just like our children - she was deathly afraid of that prospect). I've been visiting her in Vail since she got there. That's a long time!

Jordan shopped at the Silverthorne Outlet Mall on her way up the mountain - in preparation for her NEW JOB at an energy PAC. Congrats Jordie! That night we went to a pizza joint near our Riverwalk Motel. Appleboy, Colby Lefebvre joined us. Why do I call him that? Because just like both of his parents (Bolder was also an extremely hard worker - to the end of his life, when he took orders for his bar supply job as he was signing up for hospice), Colby works long hours managing Moe's Original BBQ in Lionshead. That apple didn't fall far from the tree! That night I was asleep by 10 p.m. Rare air exhausts me!

Paul and Amy skied early the next day at Beaver Creek. It was chilly on the mountain, they said. It was Amy's first day to work at Beano's Cabin - an exclusive restaurant she worked at just after she graduated from college and a couple winters after that on holiday weekends. More about my kiddos job situation later (hint - it's exciting and good news).

Cindo took Jordie and me to breakfast at the Turntable - a place in the little old mining town of Minturn. There is an electric train track that runs around the whole place. Adorable!

That night - it was the big party. We took some pics before the crowd arrived. The cherubs (Colby, Liv (his gf), Jordie and Amy) went to E-town for pre-party drinks - on the house. They sat in front of Bolder's portrait on the stool he frequented. We got some pics with them when they got back. Amo was a bit tired after her day on her feet - waiting tables is like riding a bike, I guess. It came back to her!

During the party, Paul and I were on wienie duty - watching over little wrapped sausages (not our dog, who was in her kennel) in the oven. I won't describe the party, as it was much like last year. Colby and the "next generation" do a fine job carrying on in Bolder's place. Though nobody yells "Shut Up" in the special way Bolder did to get everyone to pay attention and sing.

It wasn't a late night for us - of course we could retire to our motel with our doggy. And we did. Cindy said she was up until 11:30 p.m. or so - shooing guests out and cleaning up. It was grand to see all of our Vail friends once again. We've been going to Vail for Christmas since 2008 - my first year at DNR. The party is a wonderful tradition we're so happy to be a part of.

Of course my favorite moment during the night is Mele Kalikimaka. Everyone knows the actions. There is a soundtrack in the background so we sound great!

And the Stars at Night

Kitchenettes Rock!

Veteran's Day - and the anniversary of losing our beloved Boldie

In some ways it feels like I just saw my brother-in-law Brian "Bolder" Lefebvre last summer. In others, I feel like I've missed him for longer than the year he's been gone. Bolder passed away a year ago today. I miss him terribly - but mostly so because I know of the huge hole his loss has left in my sister Cindy's life. Their son Colby is feeling the loss too.

Terrible picture...but one of all 4 of us so couldn't resist...plus Boldie's lil legs

Paul and I were preparing to move to West Des Moines last year when we heard of Bolder's serious reoccurrence of cancer. Virulent the doctor said. Our whole family rushed out to see him and to support Colby and Cindy during this time. The Alvillar girls were there with their mom, Susi. We gathered around for just a bit - and then left the Lefebvres to deal with hospice and...the end. Their wonderful friends, especially the Pottorffs. Eric was with Cindy and Bolder at the very end.

In the past year Cindy has gone through all the tough things. She was called "widow" by the pastor doing the memorial service. Man...that's reality calling. That word sounds like it should be reserved for some spaghetti Western movie, or rich older women dressed in black, riding in a limo. Not a five year old Subaru.

Cindy took part in grief sessions early in 2013. They were set up for people who lost someone - so included those going through divorce as well as death of a loved one. She shared some of the other stories with me. When we lost our son Patrick I read everything I could about others who lived through the loss of a child - reassuring myself that it could be done! There is something to be said for connecting with others going through similar circumstances to help you see that what your doing isn't all that crazy. Crying in your breakfast cereal, no energy - no interest in the typical things you used to enjoy. I wish those sessions could have gone on...but in some ways, it's good to move on.

So Cindy did. She is an awesome inspiration to me. I know she has gone through some tough times - and she keeps those to herself. Just like Eddie Murphy's character in the movie Trading Places - he says he's a "Karate Man" they bruise on the inside. Cindo doesn't like to show her bruises to the general public...or even her family too much. It's the English background you know - stiff upper lip!

I wish I lived closer so we could help more with the physical stuff - changing light bulbs and furnace filters etc. One day I called and her toilet had backed up...to the tune of $600, thanks to a root in the yard. That's when it's nice to have a partner to help share things with - the raking, pet duties, house, financial worries.

Great pic of 3 of my fave peeps!

Then there's being half a couple. I thought about that recently. Yesterday's blog about tailgating and hanging with friends - who were all couples. What a difference it would make if I were single. I doubt I would get football tickets. The thrill would be gone without Pablo to discuss the games with! And who would pack the car and drive me back and forth? I might go to a game or two...but not the whole season. One would have to make a concerted effort to get back into a social scene. And it would be hard.

I told Cindy recently how much we miss Bolder and how proud I am of her. She is making her way in this world and surviving. She isn't retreating into a total shell. This weekend she went to Denver shopping with Bonnie - and bought boots thank you very much! There is a lot of life left for my soon (April 9th) to be 60 sissy (and what a babe at that age!). Bless you Boldie (Coast Guard Veteran) where ever you are. Love to you and the rest of the Lefebvres.

Thanks to all veterans!

Dave served our country and Jean held down the fort while he was gone

Larry and wife Regina

• Our brother-in-law Dave Fox served in Viet Nam and then in the National Guard around the world.
• Paul's brother Larry Goldsmith was injured in Viet Nam. Paul remembers his parents getting the news.
• My dad served in Korea - we loved looking at his uniforms in the closet downstairs. Paula Bacon and I wore parts of the uni's for Halloween one year - including the boots!



Dad in military school uniform with Aunt Marty

• My great, great grand-dad Adnah David Bullock was one of the last living Civil War Vets in western Iowa. A Sherbourne New York native who mustered out of the army at age 18, he died in Atlantic, Iowa in 1941. Ironically, he married a Waukee gal, Ella Fuller, and I've now settled so close to there.

In another small world thing, note where Adnah David's brother lived, listed in the Obit - Earlville - where Paul is from. Things that make you go, hmmmm. Plus I liked how they noted he only had 2 of his own teeth and didn't drink. My grandfather obviously changed that trend - with the liquor thing anyway.  Wouldn't that make today's obits more interesting?

My dad's namesake, and Judson David's too...

One year ago...

What a difference twelve months can make. In church yesterday I was pondering again. (Yes, my mind wanders as the Homily drags on.) A year ago we were just getting home from our great family reunion trip to Cannon Beach, Oregon. This year...

S'mores...Cannon Beach 2012

• Bolder wasn't yet aware he was still ill with evil cancer
• In mid July I had my manipulation surgery to release scar tissue in my right shoulder after months of pain and immobility. That was followed by weeks of physical therapy and more pain. I was able to put my arm over my head for the first time in months, and broke through the pain after several week of PT.
• Paul had submitted his application for a permanent job in GULP Des Moines at the NRCS state office, and received notice that he got the job a few weeks later. It was one of those - "we hope it happens, "Oh shit" kinda things.
• We celebrated our 30th anniversary

He's got the jacket on here

Big stuff. All of these events have had huge implications. Except our anniversary, which was more like life as usual. With each passing year, and especially after this last one I realize how lucky and blessed I am.

Of course losing Boldie - in such a short time after the docs told him the cancer was back was the biggest baddest thing. It's all really still so surreal.

The shoulder thing made me realize I'm not getting any younger. Though I still can't seem to get in any kind of work out routine or rhythm. I know I need to do it, but I can't find my way there. I walk and ride my bike but it's all sporadic. I need a trainer and a plan. I can't seem to get motivated to workout after 10 hour work days. I'll figure it out eventually. I may have to bribe a certain workout fanatic from Creston to move to DMS.

If you read this blog then you know how much the move has affected our lives! Mostly for the good. We sure miss our homies - our Creston friends. And we still consider ourselves Crestonites - pretending to be city folk. I suppose over time that will change. I have lots of people who have lived here a long time say - "you do lots of things I never do". We just take advantage of it, because it's all new to us! We're like kids in the candy shop.

We like city life - and the opportunities the Des Moines area offers. It's convenient to live near an airport. Amy flies in tomorrow after her 6 week trip to South and Central America. We can go to any movie showing on any night. Restaurant options are limitless. We live on a bike trail and many more are minutes away. There are lots of concerts and live music opportunities and we're seeing Jersey Boys Wednesday night. The short drive home is sweet - especially late at night. Another bonus is being able to volunteer! I love hanging out with my Little Sis match, Chiya. She's been a blessing in my life.

I got to introduce Chiya to Amy

We have found that in Des Moines, we get to see friends from afar and family more often. We were able to host Easter this year with the Goldsmiths. Paul's sis Carol calls when she's in town visiting daughter Barb. Cindo and Bonnie came for a fun visit in June. Robbie Dob called when she came through town and Jane Ertl messages when she's in the area. Bobbie and Jeff stayed a night and we biked in our neighborhood, which was lots of fun. Mary Faber stayed last night! Kay and Alyssa Wilt called as they were heading through town. I need to do better about seeing local friends like Joan, Mary and Jane. It's nice living close to I-80. We got new beds ya'll - the welcome mat is out!

My shoulder gives me little reminders that not all of the scar tissue is gone. Early this year I even had to visit a chiropractor for some treatment. It's motivational, really. I'm not going to frozen land again!

I think of Bolder often. I picture him in his yellow jacket tucked into his plaid shorts like a homeless guy. He is with us going forward - especially in his son Colby (and his near-son Byron Pottorff). Our children too have absorbed their uncle Bolder. Legendary.

Change, though scary, can be good for us if we take advantage of opportunities. That's what we're trying to do by "living la vida loca". (well it's been crazy for us)

I miss my sisters and my Bolder

Betsy has been at Cannon Beach all week with her family. The Kohan family goes every year, since they only live a few hours from there. Last year, all the Bullock sisters went - our last fam reunion. It turned out to be the last one with Bolder before his cancer reoccurred with a vengeance.

We had such a good time! Pablo, Boldie and Paul Kohan (Betsy's son - one of the twins) had a great time hanging out. Cindo, Paul (mine), Bolder and I spent a lot of time together. Amy, Jud and Kara were there. Susi brought her friend Sher - as husband Jim couldn't make it, nor could her children my niecelets Leslie and Jordan. All the Kohans were there - including the wiener dogs Kirby and Ziggy. Colby, Cindy and Bolder's son was heading to Oregon for a concert later in July so he wasn't with us.

Bolder loved his vests!

Cannon Beach was perfect. Bolder said it was the best vacation ever. We're pretty good about scheduling a few activities but not booking our trips up solid. Our cousins - from my Mom's side - Leslie Morehead and husband Bob, and Steve and Karen Legarra with their daughter Andra and husband Zach with their triplets, who were three years old stopped by. We got to enjoy s'mores on the beach with them!

Bolder and Pablo became regulars at the pub just up the street from our rented condo. The staff loved Boldie of course, and told him about a place to go for supper. The Lefebvres and Susi and Sher went there the night we went to pick our children up at the airport in Portland. Then it burned down during the night! Crazy. We were on a mission to find the best chowder in the area. There was lots of testing.

Buddies!

Paul learned to love martinis by drinking some of Bolder's. We've been drinking them ever since - as a tribute to Bold. And because they're good! One night after a couple martinis, Paul chased bunnies around our house with Sher's dog Cowgirl. He looked like Elmer Fudd hunting wascally wabbits. Bolder grilled salmon on a plank one night. It was fabulous. The good always is when my sissies are involved. They're all good cooks! I try to stick with the clean up crew.

Bolder planned ahead for Betsy's surprise 50th birthday celebration. He brought the pope hat! He talked her daughter Sarah into picking flowers for scattering petals and he chanted like a pope. Susi carried out the special medallion she brought - one Mom had purchased. It was a hoot! Bullocks know how to have fun.

the pope hat

In Portland, Amy was approached by a wall-eyed older woman, begging for cash. There are a lot of panhandlers in that city. At first Amy held fast to her money. Later she felt bad and she went back with $5. This begat one of my favorite Bolder quotes of all time. He said something like "Amy - later that old lady probably went back to her mansion with her lazy eye and her Lazy Susan." Remember those kitchen appliances called lazy susans? So Bolder. I'm so glad Amy got to know him so well.

Susi just booked a place in Cannon Beach for 2014, just after July 4! We're in - with Susi and Cindy. Who knows who will make it from our fams at this point? We will hoist a few for Bolder I'm sure.

Bolder is now present in another place he loved

On Sunday, we headed west - to the place of Cindy's and my birth, Atlantic, Iowa. We headed right to the cemetery - where the Bullock stone marks the resting place of many a family member, five generations - skipping my generation (thank goodness) to our baby boy Patrick. The Atlantic cemetery doesn't spend much time on making sure the grass is growing better than weeds...if we lived there we could take better care of it, but it's not possible this far away.

When Cindy's beloved husband Brian (Bolder) Lefebvre passed away last November 11th, he was cremated. They must have used a different type of process than I've seen before, as he looked a lot like sand in the ziplock Cindo had him in. Planning ahead, Bolder was split 4 ways. His buddies took one bag back to Moab, Utah this spring on their annual golf trip. They so enjoyed having Boldie along as the executive chef on the trip each year.

I think I got a little Bolder power on my tongue...

Patrick's headstone - maybe Bolder will help the grass grow

 

It was a beautiful morning, and there was a  light breeze as my sister began sprinkling Bolder's ashes around the special graves of our loved ones. I tried to remain upbeat, and not cry. This has been so tough - and Cindy has been such a strong, brave woman. I mean she doesn't have a choice - but what life has thrown at her, she has handled with guts and grace.

We drove through the cemetery a bit on our way out - and saw the stones of a few old friends. Bev and Eddie Freese - the best neighbors to name two. Then we were on our way to cruise through town and show our guest Bonnie - who is from upstate New York - the A-town sights. Our home at 202 Crombie - which looks like shit! I think the Clampets moved in. The schools - Washington, the new and old high school, our grandparents house and downtown. Bonnie was duly impressed.

Then we headed to Kay and Ted Wickman's home for lunch. Kay was our father's "friend". Girlfriend sounds inadequate. Companion? Live-in? Anyway - they were together until he died. We were so fortunate that he had scoped her out at the drive-in at the bank, and had asked Kay out on a date before he had his stroke in 2003. Kay visited him as he recovered and when he went home from the assisted living place, she moved in to help him. The rest is Dad/Kay history, thank goodness! They had fun traveling to Florida and kept busy with family - hers and ours. And then Dad died too soon, and we were all very sad.

Kay missed Dad a lot - I think she still does. But life goes on. Ted and Ann Wickman were friends of my parents. Ted's a farmer, and he always seemed like an odd match for Ann who was rather brilliant and refined. Ted is not refined. Their son Kirk is my age and is a great guy! I'm FB friends with son Charlie - he's around Betso's age. Ann became sick, and passed away after a somewhat long illness - she died not long before Dad, I think.

Kay and Ted

Ted was lonely, Kay was lonely - they got together after their partners died. Why waste time being lonely? We are happy for them! And it was so nice of Kay to invite us over. They live in my friend Sally Rodger's former home. Her brother-in-law Dan designed it for two of my fave peeps - her parents, Wayne and Anna Day. Kay and Ted bought the home after they were married. At lunch that day, we had a lovely lunch of chicken salad sannies, and peach cobbler. The Wickmans put a pool in behind the house - such a pretty view from there! It was nice to see them.

Soon it was time to head out - to where? The antique mecca of the western world - Walnut, Iowa! And little did we know, it was the very special Antique Walk weekend. Jackpot! It was hot by then...and we rounded the corner to town and saw all those people with tables set up - full of you guessed it. Junk. Um, I mean fabulous antiques.  

On the brick main street

They had Prince Albert in a can - and I don't think they're letting him out...

Inside at this store I bought a little wood rooster that looks great on top of my kitchen cupboards. They were out of $1s so I got the $18 item for $15. Can you say BARGAIN!

Cindo found a couple items for the small deck outside the master bedroom at her Vail home. A little metal rack and a tin ceiling tile. Bonnie selected a bird similar to mine. We ran into Atlantic friends - Dr. John and Mary Weresh. Paul recognized them - that guy has an eye for people, I tell ya! We chatted with them briefly - nice folks. Then we made the trek back to West Des Moines.

That night Paul grilled rib eye steaks for the visitors. They loved that Iowa cornfed flavor. Fareway makes great twice baked potatoes too - and we served those suckers, but I did fess up that I didn't make them. It was Father's Day so our Daisy Driver got his angel food cake and fab fresh strawberries that Cindy had masticated (or some fancy cooking word).

In the a.m. we walked a couple miles and went to the local dive for breakfast. Cindy loved the hashbrowns - they reminded her of the ones Coral used to make at the Atlantic Golf and Country Club. That afternoon we went to the dumbest movie ever made - yes, it was my choice. Don't see "This is The End". I must admit - I laughed a lot - at the movie not with it. Bad!

That night we took Cindy and Bonnie to Jethro's in Waukee. We love the wings there. After we ate - we drove by my old roomie, Joan's place in that town. Guess who was planting flowers out front? Joanie - who I was lucky enough to live with for the past 4 years, until last October. We pulled into the driveway so Cindy could meet her and they gave each other a big hug! That warmed my heart - the two had heard of each other, and therefore, my beloved friends were de facto friends. So cool. I need to get together with Joan soon.

I hated to say goodbye to our Colorado roommates early the next morning. I can't wait to see them for Christmas! I wish I could hang out with them more. Thanks for coming to Des Moines! It was fun.

A fine send off

Colby and Bolder in happier days

Bolder had a fine send off. His memorial service was a great tribute to the guy he was. It was held at a beautiful chapel shared by several parishes - packed to the brim with standing room only, over 300 people. The Eagle County Sheriffs were on Highway 6 parking people, and shuttles were hauling people from far off parking spots to the church. Episcopal priests did the service and three of his best friends spoke.

Cindy and Bolder's son Colby finished things up by doing a short speech. He is Jud's age, and he lives in the Vail Valley, managing a restaurant after finishing culinary and management school in Denver. Colby had to take several deep breaths during his talk, but he did fine. I was so damn proud of him!

 

After the service, Cindy and Colby greeted people in the foyer for nearly 2 hours. Colby's restaurant, Moe's served wings and sliders with pudding and somebody else served chardonnay and Budweiser. Extended family escaped upstairs to the fireside room. My aunties Jean (with husband Bruce) Rader and Marty (husband Bill) Lamm and cousins Amy (husband Tom) and Richard were there. It was so nice to see them! I am usually lucky as I get to see Lamms each Christmas but seeing Raders was one of those sad/happy benefits of a funeral.

clockwise - Paul, Betsy, Jean, Amy Lamm Brownlee, Marty Lamm, Back Row - Wayne, Bruck and Richard

I also go to see my niece Leslie again along with her husband Jordan (no not her sis...) and Susi's husband Jim. Bets was accompanied by her spouse Wayne and her son Paul who had gotten to hang with Boldie this summer during our Cannon Beach trip. Nice to see them too. It's been fun to get to know Paul as an adult. Amy was with me and Paul was home holding down the new fort. And hunting.

Bolder's 86 year old mother Claire was there, accompanied by her son Bret and his wife Trudy. They all live in Massachusetts. Bret had been here the weekend before - and left morning before Bolder died. Claire held up pretty well considering the circumstances.

After the Memorial reception, we went to Cindy's place for a while. Then she looked exhausted. So we went back to our hotel and headed to e-Town - the bar Bolder loved so much. He was the Mayor there! When I walked in, I got to see the end of the Iowa State football game - the Cyclones polished off Kansas. Boldie would have been happy. His ISU cap was one of 3 well worn caps featured at the memorial service. The bartender did a toast to Boldie and we all raised a glass. Amy and nephew Paul ordered "Bolder" drinks. Vodka in martini glasses and Budweiser chasers. Amy was smart to dump her vodka into my cranberry juice. Paul wasn't...Boldie would have loved being there. Gee I miss him!

The toast

The Bolder

 

I shed tears several times throughout the weekend. It's just hard for me to get it through my head that he's really gone. Not just away. There is a benefit fundraiser December 5th at eTown to help pay medical expenses. Even though he's gone, those didn't go away. They may have to pitch a tent to fit everyone in. Vail Mountain has donated an Epic ski pass - that's a $500+value. There are lots of other great things too. I think I'll try to put together some kind of Iowa package with stuff from that Iowa store.

Paul and I will be back in Vail for Christmas. Colby will be in charge of the Christmas party this year...but let's face it. Nobody can ever take Bolder's place! Love you Boldie!