Veteran's Day - and the anniversary of losing our beloved Boldie

In some ways it feels like I just saw my brother-in-law Brian "Bolder" Lefebvre last summer. In others, I feel like I've missed him for longer than the year he's been gone. Bolder passed away a year ago today. I miss him terribly - but mostly so because I know of the huge hole his loss has left in my sister Cindy's life. Their son Colby is feeling the loss too.

Terrible picture...but one of all 4 of us so couldn't resist...plus Boldie's lil legs

Paul and I were preparing to move to West Des Moines last year when we heard of Bolder's serious reoccurrence of cancer. Virulent the doctor said. Our whole family rushed out to see him and to support Colby and Cindy during this time. The Alvillar girls were there with their mom, Susi. We gathered around for just a bit - and then left the Lefebvres to deal with hospice and...the end. Their wonderful friends, especially the Pottorffs. Eric was with Cindy and Bolder at the very end.

In the past year Cindy has gone through all the tough things. She was called "widow" by the pastor doing the memorial service. Man...that's reality calling. That word sounds like it should be reserved for some spaghetti Western movie, or rich older women dressed in black, riding in a limo. Not a five year old Subaru.

Cindy took part in grief sessions early in 2013. They were set up for people who lost someone - so included those going through divorce as well as death of a loved one. She shared some of the other stories with me. When we lost our son Patrick I read everything I could about others who lived through the loss of a child - reassuring myself that it could be done! There is something to be said for connecting with others going through similar circumstances to help you see that what your doing isn't all that crazy. Crying in your breakfast cereal, no energy - no interest in the typical things you used to enjoy. I wish those sessions could have gone on...but in some ways, it's good to move on.

So Cindy did. She is an awesome inspiration to me. I know she has gone through some tough times - and she keeps those to herself. Just like Eddie Murphy's character in the movie Trading Places - he says he's a "Karate Man" they bruise on the inside. Cindo doesn't like to show her bruises to the general public...or even her family too much. It's the English background you know - stiff upper lip!

I wish I lived closer so we could help more with the physical stuff - changing light bulbs and furnace filters etc. One day I called and her toilet had backed up...to the tune of $600, thanks to a root in the yard. That's when it's nice to have a partner to help share things with - the raking, pet duties, house, financial worries.

Great pic of 3 of my fave peeps!

Then there's being half a couple. I thought about that recently. Yesterday's blog about tailgating and hanging with friends - who were all couples. What a difference it would make if I were single. I doubt I would get football tickets. The thrill would be gone without Pablo to discuss the games with! And who would pack the car and drive me back and forth? I might go to a game or two...but not the whole season. One would have to make a concerted effort to get back into a social scene. And it would be hard.

I told Cindy recently how much we miss Bolder and how proud I am of her. She is making her way in this world and surviving. She isn't retreating into a total shell. This weekend she went to Denver shopping with Bonnie - and bought boots thank you very much! There is a lot of life left for my soon (April 9th) to be 60 sissy (and what a babe at that age!). Bless you Boldie (Coast Guard Veteran) where ever you are. Love to you and the rest of the Lefebvres.

Thanks to all veterans!

Dave served our country and Jean held down the fort while he was gone

Larry and wife Regina

• Our brother-in-law Dave Fox served in Viet Nam and then in the National Guard around the world.
• Paul's brother Larry Goldsmith was injured in Viet Nam. Paul remembers his parents getting the news.
• My dad served in Korea - we loved looking at his uniforms in the closet downstairs. Paula Bacon and I wore parts of the uni's for Halloween one year - including the boots!



Dad in military school uniform with Aunt Marty

• My great, great grand-dad Adnah David Bullock was one of the last living Civil War Vets in western Iowa. A Sherbourne New York native who mustered out of the army at age 18, he died in Atlantic, Iowa in 1941. Ironically, he married a Waukee gal, Ella Fuller, and I've now settled so close to there.

In another small world thing, note where Adnah David's brother lived, listed in the Obit - Earlville - where Paul is from. Things that make you go, hmmmm. Plus I liked how they noted he only had 2 of his own teeth and didn't drink. My grandfather obviously changed that trend - with the liquor thing anyway.  Wouldn't that make today's obits more interesting?

My dad's namesake, and Judson David's too...

Veteran's Day

Dad in his Kemper uniform with his sis, my Aunt Martha

The older I get, the more I realize how very much we owe our country's veterans. Wow, what a sacrifice they have made. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all who have served our country!


In my family, my own father served in the Korean Conflict - was it ever called a war? Dad's parents sent him away to Kemper Military School in Boonville (sp?) when he was in high school with the thought that it would make a man of him. Several Atlantic boys went there, along with others I've heard of - including George Lindsay of Goober/Mayberry TV show fame.


I'm sure at the time they sent him there my grandparents weren't thinking it would lead to Dad being shipped off to Korea. Dad attended Kemper for his last couple years of high school and for junior college. Then he headed to the University of Iowa. (I know - I come from 2 generations of them...)

Mom and Dad were married at the beginning of their senior year of college (1950) and Susi was born that next September - 1951. Lore has it that when they graduated from the University of Iowa (Mom was 2nd in her class - a Phi Beta Kappa) the person checking out the graduation robes said, "how nice, twins graduating!" They didn't look that much alike, and she was just starting to show.

Dad was in ROTC at college, so when the Korean Conflict started it was evident he was going to go there. Susi was born in Atlantic - my hometown. Then I think my parents moved to Fort Benning, Georgia (I think - this is all from memory) for basic training. Dad was doing all he could to avoid getting shipped out - he wanted to stay with his little fam. But eventually away he went, and Mom went to visit her sis Dorothy in California.

Mom saved Dad's airmail letters from Korea. And when dad passed away in very late 2006 - that next spring my sisters and I got the awful chore of going through my parents' life possessions as we prepared their condo for sale. I found all those letters and the official letters on Dad's behalf trying to muster him out of the service for a variety of reasons. He ended up being some sort of supply officer (2nd Lt.) at a base there. I have a menu he put together for Thanksgiving. And thank goodness he came back safe and sound!

I didn't end up reading his letters to my mother. They were too intimate - love letters. Not for my eyes. I recycled them after keeping them here at my house for several months. Some things daughters just don't need to know about their parents! Even though my father didn't participate in active combat, his service was a hardship on him and his family. I can't imagine my son being overseas today. Bless those troops and families!