Veteran's Day - and the anniversary of losing our beloved Boldie

In some ways it feels like I just saw my brother-in-law Brian "Bolder" Lefebvre last summer. In others, I feel like I've missed him for longer than the year he's been gone. Bolder passed away a year ago today. I miss him terribly - but mostly so because I know of the huge hole his loss has left in my sister Cindy's life. Their son Colby is feeling the loss too.

Terrible picture...but one of all 4 of us so couldn't resist...plus Boldie's lil legs

Paul and I were preparing to move to West Des Moines last year when we heard of Bolder's serious reoccurrence of cancer. Virulent the doctor said. Our whole family rushed out to see him and to support Colby and Cindy during this time. The Alvillar girls were there with their mom, Susi. We gathered around for just a bit - and then left the Lefebvres to deal with hospice and...the end. Their wonderful friends, especially the Pottorffs. Eric was with Cindy and Bolder at the very end.

In the past year Cindy has gone through all the tough things. She was called "widow" by the pastor doing the memorial service. Man...that's reality calling. That word sounds like it should be reserved for some spaghetti Western movie, or rich older women dressed in black, riding in a limo. Not a five year old Subaru.

Cindy took part in grief sessions early in 2013. They were set up for people who lost someone - so included those going through divorce as well as death of a loved one. She shared some of the other stories with me. When we lost our son Patrick I read everything I could about others who lived through the loss of a child - reassuring myself that it could be done! There is something to be said for connecting with others going through similar circumstances to help you see that what your doing isn't all that crazy. Crying in your breakfast cereal, no energy - no interest in the typical things you used to enjoy. I wish those sessions could have gone on...but in some ways, it's good to move on.

So Cindy did. She is an awesome inspiration to me. I know she has gone through some tough times - and she keeps those to herself. Just like Eddie Murphy's character in the movie Trading Places - he says he's a "Karate Man" they bruise on the inside. Cindo doesn't like to show her bruises to the general public...or even her family too much. It's the English background you know - stiff upper lip!

I wish I lived closer so we could help more with the physical stuff - changing light bulbs and furnace filters etc. One day I called and her toilet had backed up...to the tune of $600, thanks to a root in the yard. That's when it's nice to have a partner to help share things with - the raking, pet duties, house, financial worries.

Great pic of 3 of my fave peeps!

Then there's being half a couple. I thought about that recently. Yesterday's blog about tailgating and hanging with friends - who were all couples. What a difference it would make if I were single. I doubt I would get football tickets. The thrill would be gone without Pablo to discuss the games with! And who would pack the car and drive me back and forth? I might go to a game or two...but not the whole season. One would have to make a concerted effort to get back into a social scene. And it would be hard.

I told Cindy recently how much we miss Bolder and how proud I am of her. She is making her way in this world and surviving. She isn't retreating into a total shell. This weekend she went to Denver shopping with Bonnie - and bought boots thank you very much! There is a lot of life left for my soon (April 9th) to be 60 sissy (and what a babe at that age!). Bless you Boldie (Coast Guard Veteran) where ever you are. Love to you and the rest of the Lefebvres.

Thanks to all veterans!

Dave served our country and Jean held down the fort while he was gone

Larry and wife Regina

• Our brother-in-law Dave Fox served in Viet Nam and then in the National Guard around the world.
• Paul's brother Larry Goldsmith was injured in Viet Nam. Paul remembers his parents getting the news.
• My dad served in Korea - we loved looking at his uniforms in the closet downstairs. Paula Bacon and I wore parts of the uni's for Halloween one year - including the boots!



Dad in military school uniform with Aunt Marty

• My great, great grand-dad Adnah David Bullock was one of the last living Civil War Vets in western Iowa. A Sherbourne New York native who mustered out of the army at age 18, he died in Atlantic, Iowa in 1941. Ironically, he married a Waukee gal, Ella Fuller, and I've now settled so close to there.

In another small world thing, note where Adnah David's brother lived, listed in the Obit - Earlville - where Paul is from. Things that make you go, hmmmm. Plus I liked how they noted he only had 2 of his own teeth and didn't drink. My grandfather obviously changed that trend - with the liquor thing anyway.  Wouldn't that make today's obits more interesting?

My dad's namesake, and Judson David's too...