She Called Me Les

San Antonio 2011

Bobbie McFee was one of the first people I met when Paul and I moved to Creston. Rejected by each of the 28 or so sororities when I attended rush as an 18-year-old at Iowa State University, I found my true sisters with Beta Sigma Phi, a women's sorority as a 28-year-old. Bobbie was a new-found sister back in 1987 who later became much more. And she called me Les - a name only my besties use.

After completing the DSM half marathon (walking) Bobbie didn't get the "wear your medal" memo

We're devastated to think this person who was so full of life could pass in a blink with no warning. We are so sad for her husband Jeff - two people who meshed so beautifully. Jeff met Bobbie through her Creston roomie Retta Baker, at Northwest Missouri State University where Bobbie earned her degree. Jeff was a persistent farmer from Creston who attended the local community college, eventually earning his 4-year degree later from Buena Vista.

Those two were truly meant for each other. I keep picturing them swing dancing together - not always technically perfect, but they knew each other's moves and would "go with it" adjusting to what each other did. They were fun to watch - having fun and you could see the love they shared as they moved around the floor.

What a cute family! 

We mourn together with their daughters Kristina and Kim. They are our children Amy and Jud's ages. That is one reason why we spent so much time together as families. On many a weekend evening, one of us would call the other and we'd make a plan to share an evening meal. The kids would play and we "adults" could chat about all things - raising kids, jobs, families, farming, and more. We raised those kids together. We all shared love and admiration for each other - plus a sense of humor! Bobbie and Jeff have always been such positive people - glass half full. Those are people you want to be around.

Kristina and Kim have lost their mother, their biggest fan, listening ear, and their advisor. I'm so sad for them about that. My mom died from lung cancer when I was 40, so older than they are now. Even then I felt robbed of the comfort of a mother - the heart of our family. Jeff is a great dad and will continue to be. Paul and I will try to think of ways we can support this family missing Bobbie.

Kristina has two young daughters under age 5. I'm so sorry that they won't personally remember Grandma Bobbie. I'm sad that now that I'll be a Grandma I won't have the opportunity to get more tips from her! She already told me a couple stories of her times with the girls that I cherish. Just like Bobbie took on all challenges, Bobbie didn't let fussy grandkids fluster her. After keeping the kids overnight in Creston, when delivering the young girls back to their folks in Ankeny, the baby began shrieking in the rear-facing car seat. Not a happy girl. Bobbie didn't stop as she'd already tried several methods to calm the youngster. So she just put some good tunes on the car radio and began to sing at the top of her lungs! Eventually, the little one ran out of steam and konked out. It will be our job now to tell Bobbie stories to the girls - so they know just who their Grandma Bobbie was.

Bobbie did not really believe in allowing herself much leisure time. She was most happy working on projects. She'd just plunge in. Recently, during the pandemic, she painted the inside of their Creston home. Every room! She only got help on the highest peaks of their cathedral ceiling. She loved to exercise, ride bikes and walk - quickly.

We had some good times in Des Moines in recent years when she and Jeff came up to bike with us. We may have overdone the beer to bike mile ratio!

Farmer's Market visit

Don McKim always laughed that Bobbie could be a "sprinter" when we had group gatherings. One legendary time a group of Cyclone fans attended an ISU/KSU football game at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City. A vendor was handing out free Monster energy drinks which Bobbie mixed with vodka. Then she invited herself into a fancy tailgate party with a live band and food! The rest of us were standing behind Higgins' Suburban in the parking lot. Not a super football fan, Bobbie konked out during the game, sleeping with her head on Jeff's shoulder.  I'll miss hearing her version when reminiscing about all those times we've had together.

I enjoyed talking to Bobbie about work. She was a very effective and dedicated comptroller - most recently at a plant in Creston that makes giant equipment that peels potatoes and carrots. They had a branch in Boise, ID so she told us how she got to know that area, mostly on her own. With a previous job, Bobbie and Jeff traveled to far off locations like Germany and Thailand - they loved to visit new places.

I'm so sad for Bobbie's family - her parents Bob and Grace, and her brothers and families. And Jeff's family including my former roomie Joanie. Since we don't have family around Creston, Paul and I have been lucky to be invited to some of their gatherings, so we feel a bit like cousins. Bobbie's loss will hit hard for them all. We will need to try honor Bobbie by keeping our memories of her alive.

Bobbie moved into Creston and won the hearts of Crestonians right away - even with farmers, no small feat. She served on the school board and volunteered for many other things - always dependable. When our son Patrick lived his brief life in 1991, she and Jeff were there for us. She brought ham balls for the funeral - it's a SW Iowa thing. That's what I kept thinking yesterday as we visited the house to see the family. Bobbie would bring ham balls to this. I expected her to drive up and take charge.

Bobbie had a road bike and kept up with the guys. Albie (my crosstrainer bike) and I brought up the rear 

Paul and I traveled to Creston to the house yesterday. Several family members were there and a steady stream of neighbors and friends stopped by to drop off food and to express their sympathies. It's what you do - surround the family with love. This week will be a blur. It will be our job to be there for Jeff and the girls after the funeral too.

We all need reminders of how special each day is. 2020 has worked on that. This reminder hurts so badly. RIP my friend. I  hope you are in your Happy Place forever.

Last year - Lake of the Ozarks - Bobbie's "Happy Place"

Coping with Grief

The title of the blog seems like an oxymoron in the beginning. It was the title of a CBS Sunday Morning Show article today. I think that show segment was for me. I'm self-centered like that. I try to see little bits of karma as signs in my life.

Grief has been on my mind this week as we learned of the brief illness and death of our Creston neighbor Bill Taylor. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in mid-October and passed away Friday at age 55. Joni and Bill with children Colby and Jenna lived across the street from us on the west side of Creston. Bill grew up in the area - a Diagonal kid. Look it up. It's got to be one of the smallest high schools in Iowa now.

Bill has been a fixture at the excellent community college in town - coaching and more recently as an administrator. I'm certain his coaching chops also extended to Colby and Jenna's traveling basketball teams. Both of them had/have awesome college basketball careers at Iowa colleges. I've seen young people's comments on Facebook and other sites - "Bill took extra time to work with me."  And "Bill sent me a note of encouragement after the game and I still have it today"

And now...Bill is gone too soon. The Creston community, the Southwestern Community College community and beyond to his extended community of athletes and students he has impacted will surround this family with love. They will help bear the mantle of grief, as much as they are able to. But then comes the really tough stuff. My heart goes out to them and to their extended families. Your prayers are appreciated.

This time of year is always one of grief and fond memories for our family. It's the anniversary of when we lost our special Bolder - my sister Cindy's husband, in 2012. He had a larger than life personality. Cindy is doing great - newly retired and planning a few trips. Their son Colby manages El Sabor, a restaurant in Vail. It's amazing how much he can be like Bolder at times! We love hanging out with both of them. They miss Boldie every day. Here's to you oldie moldie Boldie!

Do you have anything that happens, that you see, that you feel is a sign from a loved one that has passed on? For our son Patrick, who died at ages 6 days of a heart problem, it's usually something in nature. But for my dad, it's dropped ice cubes. He couldn't get ice at home without dropping at least one cube (icemaker days - not the dreadful ice trays). Our present icemaker helps me to remember Dad often.

In the club

My niece Leslie emailed me yesterday about a friend who gave birth to a stillborn baby girl. She wanted to know if I, as the parent of a baby that also died, had any words of wisdom for her friend. I believe time helps, but there are just so many tears you need to cry. After nearly 18 years, those tears are rare, but we still think about how things might be different if Patrick was around.

So now niece Leslie's friend is in the club nobody should ever have to be in. And she got booted out of the "things like that happen to other people" club. I'll be thinking of her, and her husband and the grief journey they're on. I hope people wrap this couple in their arms and help them through this process.

On to cheerier topics. Last night I met Paul and friends in Norwalk at the Creston/DCG boy's soccer game. The boys lost, unfortunately, but it was fun seeing Lucy and Jim and Joan and Greg and my honey of course. After the game we stopped at a restaurant. Ah memories of the old baseball/football/basketball/soccer days. All three couples have sons that graduated in 2007. Below - one of Jud's early soccer teams. Jud was in his blond dye stage - right in front of Paul on the right.

When Amy played sports there were some parents we hung out with, but through the years most of the girls quit participating, so Paul and I usually drove to games by ourselves. With Jud's group, a large number of boys stuck together and stuck it out through their senior year in several sports. We parents got to know each other well, and became good friends.

While I don't miss the days of stressing over playing time, victories and referees, I miss the camaraderie we had. Carpooling saved us all mileage and allowed us time to learn about each other's lives and families. We became close friends. There's nothing like friends!