The secret sauce

I've been pondering. In my last blog I talked about evidence that children do better when they feel connected to their families through their stories. I started thinking about all the stories I know about other families. Those have also had an impact upon my life.


A photo Fritz had of Dad from a JayCees event in Atlantic?

Growing up in a small town like Atlantic, we became part of each other's stories. Even now, when one of my father's best friends struggles with heath problems, I continue to think about the ways our families have intertwined through the years. My grandparents knew the Simpsons, who published the newspaper in Atlantic News Telegraph. Their son Frederick - called Fritz - was a couple years older than Dad. I don't know if they were pals in their younger years, but they sure were later in life. I can still hear Fritz calling Dad, "Bullock."

Fritz - in red with Ted and Mary Sue. Perhaps MS's daughter? One bad thing...they're Nebraska fans!

Fritz was married to Sue and they had two children, Ted - who is my age and Mary Sue who is a couple years younger. Sadly, Sue passed away much too young - even before my mom. I'm Facebook friends now with Ted (who is really also a Frederick) and keep up with the fam. Ted reports that Fritz, who lives in Omaha with his 2nd wife Dolly, is recuperating from having his leg amputated - the result of another medical issue. His attitude is good. Fritz is a fighter!

I believe the Bruce Feilor article about family stories could very well extend to those types of stories too - beyond immediate family. How well do we know those we live and work around?

In college, my roomies became like sisters. My college sisters' stories became my own. Vicki's father died tragically, drowning while canoeing in Alaska when she was only 3. Her mother, a young widow, had to make a living. She worked for a time as a secretary for a rich guy in California - Vic has some vivid memories from that time. Eventually Barb, Vicki's Mom, moved back to Iowa and met her 2nd husband, Jon. When Vic was 10, then had Krista, Vicki's little sis who invited me to her 10th birthday when we were in college - so cute. Jane's parent's made the kids ride in the car with their arms around each other if they were fighting - and her dad kept his eye on the rear-view mirror!

I already knew lots of Sal's fam stories as she was an Atlantic gal - I'd spent lots of time with 2 of my favorite people, Wayne and Anna Day Rodgers. One day Sally's sister's first husband up and left her - saying "I never did love you." Marcie survied and met Steve who was a much better guy. Wayne never liked that first husband anyway...he sucked with the horses...

After our time bonding with our pals in Creston, we laugh that we must end up in the same nursing home with them. That way we can finish each other's stories. Through the years we've enjoyed hearing about Jeff McFee's antics with (now Sheriff) Rick Piel, and his time as a cowboy in Wyoming. Jeff has shared many tales of brother Craig that are always entertaining as well. Phyllis and Willie had their hands full with that gang! Joan said kids used to pick on Craig because - his speech wasn't the clearest when he was little - so Carol would beat those bullies up! And who can forget Don McKim's stories about his cousins and the bb guns - it's amazing they didn't put an eye out! Perhaps that's why Donnie decided to be an eye doc.

So...the point of this blog is...if it's not family, it's your friends. Get to know people. Find out their stories.

The stories that bind us...

Susan and Cindy - after one of Mom's bang trimming efforts, I believe

That was the title of an intriguing story I read in the New York Times recently. Stories - by Bruce Feiler

His article started out with the author describing a family gathering. You know how those can often go...we envision wonderful movie-type gatherings, with all the food done on time - and perfectly! Nobody drinks too much or argues about politics. In the author's case, he dared chastise is nephew for texting during the meal...then his sis got mad that he was trying to discipline her kid. His mom spoke up noting that none of the kids were well-behaved, after all, his girls were hanging spoons off their noses! It sounded like it evolved into a family fight. Was their family falling apart?

Bruce Feiler, the author, used the story to get to the meat of his article. He asks - What IS the secret sauce that holds families together? He spent a few years asking many people across the country - and he said a surprise theme emerged - that the single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative. 

I guess that's one of the things I'm trying to do with this blog. Yeah, I know...it's not like telling my story in person. But hey, I do what I can. I'm not going to repeat everything the article says because you can read it yourself - it's worth the time! And I did tell the stories when Amy and Jud were little. I've never been afraid of using myself (or my sissies) as examples...good or not so...(for the good of the team).

Marty and Dad in uniform

The main thing the I take away from the article is this - the people who know more about their families do better in crisis. The kids who have heard the stories that Aunt Cindy moved to Vail and worked 2 jobs because she refused to admit defeat and move home to Atlantic, know that others in the family have gone through hard times to live their dreams. And hearing the story about Aunt Marty moving to Denver - far, far away from Atlantic and her trials and tribulations of single life. How Aunt Jean went through a divorce and then she met her true love, Uncle Bruce. Dad had to go to military school because he tipped over an outhouse (and various other naughty things...but he turned out pretty good in the end). Mom was a fairy princess in her family - 10 years younger than her next older sibling - she spent summers in Independence. Stuff like that.

I was happy to see Betso at Bar-L Ranch

The author talked about a study where Emery Drs. Duke and Fivush asked children 20 questions. Here are some of the questions: Examples included: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met? Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth?

Did you know the answers to these things when you were a child? Most families hide the bad stuff...and in some families, there's lots of bad stuff. But in some cases, people just leave families - it's their own choice.

Dr. Duke said:
The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned. And it seems most importantly - knowing these stories, it is important for children to know they are a part of something larger than themselves - a family, one that handles success and failure and keeps plodding along.

Amy and Jud and my nieces and nephews seem to enjoy hanging around me and my sisters when we tell the family lore. I hope we haven't warped them!

One other note. Blood relatives aren't everything. Some people are rejected by their family members or due to circumstance aren't able to be with family. Friends can be family too - loves the ones you're with!

KC trip

We went to KC and I'll just come right out and say the Cyclones got barbecued. It wasn't the referees' faults this time. You may recall ISU most likely would have won the game in Ames without a couple bad calls at the end of the game.

It was fun to travel Friday to Kansas City Friday to see Jud - he lives in St. Joseph, but spends a great deal of time there with GF Kara. We had hoped to purchase tickets to the Sprint Center, but that was impossible! We headed to the Power and Light District for the Pep Rally. Talk about outnumbered! Jayhawk fans were everywhere...even during our part of the rally.

We staked out a place near a tree and short wall in the open area with the big screen TV. The place is surrounded with bars and has a roof. We didn't have to worry about weather though - it was 80 degrees! We got beers and ran into Jud's pal, former Cy Mascot Noelle - now an Assistant Manager at an Ankeny HyVee. She was enjoying a beer with a giant hand coozie.

We stood by some other Cyclone fans and chatted - one was from Harlan - hates Creston's wrestling program, which was fine because Creston hates all of their other programs! Nice guys though. Another one is from Denver and is married to Ann Drey from Creston - I've mentioned before, we're all related in Iowa, somehow. We had a nice conversation about the Drey fam and Ken's sporting goods store.

Lots of blue...

Schippers are in the house - the Osceola couple we see at all Cyclone events...

Most of the Cyclone fans left for the game, leaving us to watch with mostly blue clad rabid Jayhawk fans...not fun. Especially when the Cyclones didn't play well. Ah well, such is life. We will play another day and look forward to a nice rivalry with Kansas for years to come. Love that Fred Hoiberg! We headed to a pizza place called Minsky's near where Kara lives near the airport. Used to love the joint by the same name in Ames - Paul played softball for a team by that name we started dating...

Saturday we shopped at The Legends Outlet Mall in Kansas. Huge place with a nice Cabela's - which Paul loved. Kara was not impressed with the ugly large catfish in the aquarium there. We ate at The Yardhouse, the same place we liked in Pasadena when we visited there for Leslie Alvillar's wedding. Enjoyed seeing Kara's apartment and loved spending time with the kids! In fact we must go back there this summer for a longer period.

Got that yellow fleece at Cabela's - $29!

This is a restaurant...we didn't eat there

Odie stayed in Creston at the puppy spa - Aunt Lila and Uncle Bill's, so we timed our return trip to go to Mass at 5:15 p.m. at Holy Spirit in Creston then picked her up. I had the idea to text friends to see if they'd like to eat at A&G before we headed home - bingo! McKims and McFees were available but missed out on Higgin's company. Just like old times. Made it home by just after 10 p.m. Fun weekend!

Okay...so we stopped for 1 at The Lobby before we headed home...(note I drank water)

West End Blarney

Homegirl Bobbie Mac texted Friday night that she was heading to the big city from Crestonia on Saturday. Yay! It had been quite a while since I'd seen that girl. She arrived promptly at 10 a.m., just before her sis-in-law, my former roomie Joanie Mac B. Paul enjoyed chatting and catching up with the two. But then it was time to head downtown to check out West End Salvage - of HGTV fame.

The show premiered about a month ago on Thursday night. I actually visited the store 10 years ago - when it was a small corner store. Today it's 4 floors of junk, um stuff plus a coffee shop. And T-shirts (I liked the "cute shoes discount shirt). One could spend hours there. The place was packed on a cold rainy Saturday. Don and Hal - the shows "stars" were in the house.

Bobbie and Hal's back...

Don is on the phone

Joan secretly wants that rocking chair...no not really - she already has one!

Hal and Elk friend. I didn't get a price...I wonder if they'd like a couple deer heads?

 

Bobbie's daughter, Kimmy joined us after she got off her shift at Mercy Medical Center. Then we headed to Noodle Zoo for lunch as Zombie Burger looked too crowded. Love those noodles! A quick stop at Sticks to see all the art/furniture I can't afford.

Then we decided to head across the river to my fave bar The Standard to await Bobbie's daughter Kristina and her husband Caleb. They were doing a pub crawl/run benefiting the Amanda the Panda grief support center. The race had a St. Patrick's theme.

As we stepped in the door at the bar, the guy looked at us funny like we were out of place. Well...we WERE the only ones not in green running clothes/costumes. I tried to huff and puff to pretend I'd been running, but didn't pull it off. We rounded up the last table for 4 and ordered up beautiful dessert martinis (except Joan, our Designated Driver). Not being in costume, and the fact that 3/4 of us were 50+ made us approachable for some reason. Lots of people stopped to talk to us. They liked our martinis - conversation starters.

I had a blast! And probably 1 too many martinis, especially considering it was like 3 in the afternoon. Runners, mostly 20 somethings, were dressed in various costumes. But there were people our age-ish. I think I'd like to do this race next year. I hope the weather is better. The cause is something dear to my heart - as someone who has experienced loss of a loved one. And dealing with children who have lost a sibling. Plus it looked like lots of fun. Check it out.

How would you like to run in that hat?

Talked this poor chap into a photo, and then got photo bombed by the guy behind us, who we'd been talking to earlier

There was a girl in a slinky nightie (with running gear under it) that told me it came from the Ottumwa Wal-Mart. Another fella who talked to us had on Michelangelo's David boxers over his running tights. And they were complete with anatomically correct drawings. Very funny! I need to start looking now for next year's costume!

Needless to say I was quite worthless the rest of the evening, after Joan dropped me off. It was worth it!

Fish 'n Eastern Iowa Transplants (mostly)

Headed to Norwalk - St. John's Catholic Church for their weekly Friday fish fry last night with a couple groups. First, we were invited by my long-time (notice I didn't say OLD)pal, Jane Ertl. I met her in college. She was friends with people who posted a note in the 'vator looking for chicks to go skiing over spring break.

Yep, that's right. My roomie, Vicki and I saw one of those signs in the Maple residence hall elevator - a sign with the little pull off tabs - that said something like: "looking for girls to share expenses for spring break ski trip to Colorado".

Vic and had gone to Vail over spring break the year before. We stayed with my sis Cindo and her roomies in East Vail. Cindy moved to Colorado after graduating from Drake in Art Education. She realized she didn't wish to teach in Bum#$%*, Iowa and some of her friends had moved west - so she followed. I was in my "all about me" me stage at that time in my life (18, preparing to attend ISU) and really didn't pay much attention to what my parents were talking about. Thinking about it now...I'm sure there were many loud conversations between Cindy and them about this development. "What about teaching art?"

Cindy and I have talked about it since then, and she's told how determined she was not to have to admit defeat on "making it" in Colorado. She worked several jobs to make ends meet - determined not to have to move back or ask for help. Cindy lived with a couple gals in part of a roundish house in East Vail. Vic and I shared the fold out couch - um not comfy. At the same time another Atlantic friend visited - Scott Deter, who was in grad school at Michigan State. So it was a full house. I think one of her roomies, Debbie Rouser, stayed with a friend to make room for Scott.

It was fun - we skied a lot and were so exhausted we were really too tired to party. We must have had high hopes in that regard, as I remember dragging hanging clothes on the plane, the bus and shuttle bus to Bart and Yeti's in Lionshead - just one of the places Cindo worked. It's a pub/restaurant - named after the owner's dogs, who really did hang out there. We dragged a lot of fancy clothes we never ended up wearing.

Anyway, back to the 'Vator note. Sophomore year we decided a group trip would be fun, but none of our pals were up for it. Vic pulled the note tab and made the call. The rest is history. I've lost connections with most of the people we traveled with - mostly first floor Maple gals (except Jane) Jolene Magill (sp?), Cindy (CA) Nutt, Deb Enzler, Terry something, and Jane - who was a fam friend of Deb E. Later some of us ended up living at 230 Campus Avenue - where I met Paul G. Goldsmith...Jane grew up in and still lives in Dyersville. She went to high school with Paul at Beckman - the Catholic school there.

Last night Jane was heading to Norwalk to see her guy, Ken Root, who lived in Norwalk for several years and got involved with the Knights of Columbus there - they head up the fish fry. In the meantime, Paul had talked to his sis Carol, from Northwood (Northern Iowa) who was headed down to see daughter Barb and fam - husband Mike and their cutie 8th grade daughter Mandy. Last fall they moved to a lovely townhome on the north side of Norwalk. Paul made arrangements for all of us to go for fish!

Barb grew up in Farley - not far from Dubuque. That's where Carol and her first husband Irv had a farm, before Irv's early death from a form of Alzheimer's disease. Carol, Barb and Jane played the "do you know" game while we ate fish, and Mandy found a friend from school to talk to. Ken is a radio/TV guy - so he can talk about anything! It was a nice time. When it was time to go, Paul even started up a conversation with one of the guys working - he was wearing a uniform, DM Police Dept. It turns out he was the guy who shot the mountain lion last summer. Ken needed to set up for another event the next night so Jane, Paul and I decided to drive over to Cumming to check out the Tap there.

Love this pic of the schoolmates - and couldn't make myself cut out the guy in the bibs in the background...

We went into Norwalk to another local joint when Ken joined us. It is a big karaoke night in town...but we resisted taking the microphone. I didn't have my backup singers - Diana and Bobbie...
Fun night! Note - I was drinking H2O on that night. In preparation for Saturday?

Jackpot

While Paul attended the Deer Classic at HyVee Hall last Sunday, I headed out to Bass Pro for a little shopping. Though their women's clothing area is small, I always have good luck there. I figured while Paul filled his head with thoughts of prancing bambis, I would get a shopping fix. I haven't really gotten to shop much compared to past years when I lived here by myself. I took advantage of the situation - shopping jackpot!

I always get fricken lost when I go to Altoona. That place is whacked. They built I-80 on an angle to it, and it confuses me. I got off at the Bondurant exit, passing right by Bass Pro on the way. But I wasn't sure how to get there - even though I've been there several times before. Why don't they put signs up for dopes like me? Eventually I found it.

The place was packed! Spillover from the Deer Classic? Plus they have fishing sessions. Plus it seems to be like a real destination shopping place - because you can bowl there and there is a video shooting arcade, plus a restaurant. I stuck with plain 'ol shopping! I snagged a dressing room right away and tried on some stuff. Ended up with a new Columbia jacket - great sale price.

I picked up a few other sale items too. Snapped some photos of a couple things I didn't buy -

How would you like to get your toilet paper from one of these guys?

How about cammo slip ons?

When I went back to pick Paul up, I parked for a bit to wait for him, and got a nice phone call from my Creston pal Deb! It was so nice to catch up with her - miss our weekly coffee outings.

I actually cooked this week - with help from sous chef Pablo. Hamburger soup, substituting turkey burger. It's a regular recipe that I put in the crock pot. Next time I won't boil the noodle - they ended up mushy. Onion soup mix and Dry Italian dressing mix provide the flavoring. Good stuff.

Did the mall walking thing tonight. I like to picture Paul in the good-looking men's clothing as I walk through Dillards. Then I spied these shorts - right up his alley, huh?

I always tease him that he's invisible in cammo...

He doesn't get to retire

Paul turned 55 Friday - technically eligible for federal retirement. But he signed that pesky agreement when we moved, that he'd work at least a year. So he's stuck for a while longer, I'm afraid. And he's got his wife and his financial consultant explaining this fact to him. He can't afford to retire!

So Happy Birthday Pablo!

Despite reality, I think he's doing okay. After all, he's still a fairly young guy! And we have each other. As time goes by, I realize how we can't afford to take that for granted. My sis lost her husband just last fall. I think of her every week - doing everything by herself. All the house stuff, financial duties, garbage and so on. And daily life. Bolder doesn't come home anymore and ask her how her day went, or regale her with tales of his day. I can't imagine it!

Paul and I compare work notes all the time - our jobs are somewhat similar. Who would I tell that stuff to if he weren't around? Would anyone else really care? For now - I've got his ear!

Friday night the birthday boy wanted to do our usual - mall and movie. He loves the Cheesecake Factory's Clam Chowder - even better than the Cannon Beach chowder says he. A good thing when your bday falls on a Lenten Friday! I had the sweet corn tamale appetizer. So pretty!

We went to the movie Safe Haven - a Nicholas Sparks. Chick Flick - a little draggy in places, but okay, not hard on the brain or tear ducts.

Saturday we shopped for new deck furniture. We want recycled plastic - low maintenance. Located the place to order it out on Douglas, Fireplace Superstore. The Amish make the furniture in Indiana - Berlin Gardens
You'd never know the price of #2 plastic has been down - because they get a lot of $ for this furniture. We didn't order any - but probably will.

Saturday night I made "mystery reservations" for Paul's birthday. He didn't know where I was taking him. Oh he was curious! It was someplace I'd been wanting to go, but needed an occasion like this to spur me into making a ressie. I called Thursday for 6 p.m., but they told me 6:30. It was a go!

It was Ohana Steakhouse
Part restaurant, part show! Paul loves watching sharp knives at work. And man their knives are the sharpest! We were the last people seated at our table of 10. The couple next to us was from Ankeny - and they were Ohana veterans. They gave us food advice. I got a nice lemondrop martini to go with my meal. Heineken for Paul.

Can you spy the 2 eggs perched one on the other? He also cooked shrimp prior to our main course - so good! I ordered scallops and Paul got NY Strip. There were several courses - too much for me to eat.

Pic doesn't do it justice...
 

The scallops came with lemon sauce that was so light and delish! Five Moki heads (top Goldsmith food rating) for this restaurant.

We saw Mr. Ohana from the commercials working the table next to us. Our chef, Cory was pretty talented with his knives and spatula. Paul could work there wearing his crazy Packer Zubas....

A satisfied couple.

Here's to many more birthdays together!