Listening to the book didn't lend itself to thinking time. It did help get into the mind of an addict though. The author does a great job of revealing the main character's thought train. He's a good guy, but first and foremost in his life is securing his next high. Life is complex. When you add in that layer, boy. I'm not sure how addicts do it. You can see how their lives quickly swirl towards disaster. Living hell comes to mind. I hope Congress - state and federal continues to work on this issue.
When we weren't listening to the book I thought about a recent article I read in the NY Times. "Why You Should Stop Being So Hard On Yourself". It was a good read for me because I am guilty of that. (See, I am hard on myself).
Is that a good thing? Or bad. A little of both. Not being satisfied helps you strive for more, better. But constant self-derision is no good.
I beat myself up (mentally) when I make mistakes at work. Yet I easily forgive others - after all, they're only human. Daughter Amy and I had a conversation about work mistakes last weekend. She depends on herself to proof everything because she is a one-person graphic design shop. Yes, she does require clients to "sign off" on projects, but even then, when mistakes are discovered after printing - she feels awful.
I reminded Amy that people are human. It's a good goal but is not logical to expect 100% perfection all the time. Amy works by herself. She doesn't have human peers - only her canine buddies, Franklin and Eros. They make mistakes that can be cleaned up with paper towels. When you work with other people I think it's easier to forgive yourself because you see and hear about other errors they make.
My role model for diet and exercise is my bestie Deb Peterson. If you know her, you understand that she is one of the most disciplined people you'll ever meet. She has more self-control in her little finger than I do in my whole body. Deb makes up her mind to change her diet and she just does it. I waffle. Then eat waffles. Deb even works out on vacation. It took me years to join a gym and then hire a trainer.
At last week's training session, Torie, my 23-year-old, perky trainer tortured me with a "pick your poison" kind of workout. I had to pick a word and she'd look on a sheet and tell me, according to the letters in the word, what I had to do. I F-ing hate jumping jacks. Wall sitting for 30 seconds? Leg shakes. Every time she announced my torture, my face told the story. But I performed them all. Except for the plank. My shoulders don't do that anymore. I was being self-critical - that giant mirror doesn't help. Torie did tell me my lunges are getting better. Small victories.
Then I remembered - I'm now 60 and really haven't worked out for about 10 years. Sure, I walk and ride my bike. When I lived in Creston, I worked out with my girlfriends. That was 2008. I'm trying again. Even though I hate it, I want to have a workout routine because I want to be in shape.
I've had three weeks off from my volunteer gig at Lutheran Services of Iowa helping teach immigrants English. I'm looking forward to going back. The students genuinely wish to learn. I sometimes feel frustrated at my lack of ability to "reach" the students. My heart is in the right place and I will continue to try to find ways to improve my teaching skills.
Have you noticed those articles that tell you what/what not to wear, and what your hair should look like? I have a love/hate relationship with them. Part of me thinks I should be happy just being me, and the other part wants to "fit in". Ugh, why do I still want to fit in? I need more deep thinking time to solve that one.
If you can't tell, this blog kind of a self-evaluation. Right now I'm working on my evaluation for work too. Noting what I'm doing. Listing what I'll do next year and thinking about what can I do better. Trying not to beat to self-critical.
What about you? Are you too hard on yourself? Do you carry that mantle around? If so, think about taking it off your shoulders. How would you do that? How would that feel? I'm still figuring it out.
Paul and I took our new kayaks out for a spin at Raccoon River Park this morning. They are beautiful Cyclone red!
Mine's name is Rio and Paul's is Buick (it's really Skylark - but that's not manly enough). It was a gorgeous morning and we love the new boats. They glide nicely and are lighter and shorter - easier to load in the truck. It's a great way to start a day! That sure helps one have a good self-attitude.
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