Finding A Backbone - Confessions of a Childhood Bully

I've reconnected with a childhood friend on Facebook. It's amazing that this person ever wanted to have anything to do with me again. You see, I was part of "The Clique". That mob of girls who mowed their way through the puberty years - picking on others. Today we call it bullying.

We went from being a group of sweet young things, attending each other's birthday parties - playing pin the tail on the donkey. The next thing you know we were looking for ways to be critical. Things we talked about:
-Her Mom served dried out hamburgers
-She has to drag her little sister around all the time
-Their house has a strange smell
-Did you see her outfit?
-Let's not ask her to the movie
Can you believe how ridiculous these things are?

We held huge "slumber" parties where nobody slept and girls separated into groups. I tried hard to use my sense of humor to stay out of the fray, but I was no innocent bystander. A couple of girls got the brunt of the bullying. I don't know why they were isolated, not invited, and were chosen for vicious crank calls.

I was somewhat oblivious at that time in my life. I wasn't the empathetic soul that our daughter was from a young age. I developed that later in life.

Eventually,

Washington Elementary

we got "talked to" about our behavior. Our Washington Elementary teachers separated us out for a "meeting" We were told us this behavior wasn't acceptable. I don't think it helped - the damage was done. Once we went off to Junior High - and three schools came together, the clique broke up. It seems that's when we broke up into smaller friend groups. 

Looking back, I knew what we were doing was wrong. Even though I wasn't the main "instigator", I went along with it. I didn't speak up and say, "this isn't right - stop it!" I was weak. I didn't want to be next.

It wasn't until I had my own children that this part of my life came hurtling back to me. I found my voice. I began speaking up to point out things I believed were wrong. I wrote letters to the editor of the Creston News Advertiser - pointing out that the Creston Pantherette nickname was outdated. The female athletes should be proudly called Panthers just like the boys. I wrote a letter to the Atlantic News Telegraph, chastising the school staff there for allowing outrageous derogatory chants towards Creston's student-athletes. I also used my voice as a parent. I realized I no longer believed in the planks of the Republican party and switched to the Democratic party as the values supporting women's rights, LGBT, and a more progressive tax structure. Make no mistake though...my Republican roots are still in there.

I told my daughter about my experience growing up. I explained that I was part of a group that bullied girls. That it is big regret in my life. I don't know if I told Jud - he wasn't into listening to Mom's childhood stories back then. (He pretends better now).

Growing up isn't easy even when you're not being bullied. Even the most popular, most athletic, musical, smart, talented kids have issues. Everyone is insecure, Especially the ones who act super confident. What is it that makes us pick on others to lift us up? There must be another way for all of us to feel better about ourselves.

I've apologized to the person I wronged all those years ago. She graciously accepted. If there are others out there, I apologize to you too.

I try not to get too wrapped up in politics on Facebook. To me, it's a place to keep up with family and vacations, food etc. Sometimes, because we live who we are, politics and beliefs slip in.

I will keep using my voice when I just can't keep quiet. Others won't always agree with me. That's okay. What would this world be if we were all the same?