Mom, Mom, Mom!

It's been a long time since I was in a crowd and heard someone yelling" Mom, Mom, Mom!" and my ears perked up - thinking, "is that my kid"? Even after our children were out of the nest my mom radar zeroed in on those calls - in a crowded store and at sporting events. What if Amy or Jud had snuck in and needed me? My point is - once one gives birth, Mom is forever.

Now that Jud and Kara are expecting a baby girl in September (yay!👶), I'm having memories of the pregnancy of our firstborn, Amy Elizabeth. Like the famous Butterfly McQueen quote from "Gone with the Wind" all I could think about when I learned I was pregnant was, "I don't know nothing 'bout birthing no babies!" or taking care of babies, raising babies, children - you get the picture.
As a youngster, I avoided babysitting. Babies and young kids were scary! I went along with some friends on their babysitting jobs, and my sisters babysat some. They seemed to know what they were doing. Not me! So as a young adult approaching parenthood, I took inventory. I'd held and been around niece Leslie - born the year before I was pregnant. My college roomie Vicki had her baby (even after the trial cat Cato didn't go so well) Kelli Behr, when I was pregnant. So little experience. I'd never changed a diaper or fed a baby. I was terrified! 

On my first Mother's Day - when I was pregnant with Amy, Paul and I drove from our home in Osage, Iowa to Austin, Minnesota to shop at the small mall there. He and I had a bet - one I couldn't lose. It was just a matter of time. If I ever saw a deer before he did, he'd buy me a diamond necklace. Yeah, that sounds simple now, but in 1985 in northern Iowa, they were rarer. On that day, I spied with my little eye a doe! He paid up with a simple gold necklace with a small diamond that I still wear today. It has all the feels!

Amy in car seat 

How did I cope with my concerns about keeping a tiny human alive once it made its exit from my body? Like I usually do - by reading! I purchased "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and the Dr. Spock baby book - a classic! I poured over the books.

Books did not prepare me for the pure joy and love I immediately had for the not so tiny (9 lb 7 ounces) bundle of joy born in mid-October (days later than the doctor promised). Amy Elizabeth was born just after 7 PM. I didn't sleep all night - even though the nurses took the precious bundle to the nursery. I was filled with adrenalin and the amazement of the miracle of birth. Plus I felt like I'd been hit by a truck!

Back then new moms/babes got to stay in the hospital for three whole days. St. Joseph Mercy in Mason City served Paul and me a fancy supper the first night - steaks and even a little bottle of wine. Amy seemed so tiny when we packed her off in the car seat for the half-hour drive to Osage from Mason City. She screeched part of the way and we felt so helpless in the front seat. We were on our way to many parenting hours/days of feeling helpless! Along with the good stuff, of course.

Through the first few weeks and months, poor Amy lived through trial and error. My mom came to help for a few days and was wise enough to know that her best role was cooking and doing laundry, allowing us to deal with the baby. Even after raising four babies, Mom knew that twenty-plus years had passed and she said she was out of practice. A heavy smoker, she kept her habit to the back porch on our rental place - which was good except that's where Paul put his deer hunting clothes! Oops. It was nice having her there doting on the baby. Dad made an appearance too - on his lingerie route. They bought us a rocking chair because you know - baby's need to rock.

Amy with Cabbage Patch doll Ollie Stanford in chair

In the mid-1980s, it was common for maternity leave to be six weeks - or less for some jobs. I believe I received some type of partial insurance payment for my time off of work. It was a good thing that I had that time. The pregnancy had taken a toll on my body. I'd gained over 40 pounds (note to partners - never mention to your wife that she now weighs more than you do) and my hip had been displaced by the time Amy was born. I was so glad that after a few weeks I could finally run again! Not really - I've never been a runner, except to dodge cars crossing the street. But I am able to walk fast! 

I continued to read and use trial and error. I knew projectile spit up wasn't normal. She ended up on soy formula - lucky she outgrew that milk allergy by toddlerhood. I didn't have any mommy peers in Osage to talk with about babies with, so the phone was my lifeline. It was long distance back then - so not as much chatting. That was a brutal winter in Northern Iowa so we didn't travel much. Doctor's well-child visits were also calming. Amy was thriving despite/because of us. One thing about babies - just when you get used to what they are doing, they're in a new stage!

We were blessed with the loving childcare we found for our children. It really found us in Osage when the ISU Extension Director, Neil Wubben told us his wife Karen would love to watch newborn Amy. Their four boys were growing up and she was looking for something to do. We delivered Amy to their home each workday as I toiled in the computer department at Fox River Mills, the sock/glove maker in Osage. Karen was a veteran Mom in caring for babies, which gave me comfort. 

In 1986, just after Amy turned one year old, we moved to Creston. We were sad to leave our wonderful childcare provider behind but were so fortunate that our realtor was connected. We met childcare provider Carol Frank, who lived just a few blocks from our new house. The whole Frank family pitched in with the kids being cared for at the Frank home. The Franks quickly became great friends and resources for a young couple with no family nearby (when Mom and Dad were in Florida half of each year).

Little Judson

When Judson was born a couple years later, I felt more like a veteran Mommy. A boy! We were shocked  - the first boy in our part of the Bullock fam since 1928. Again it was love at first sight with that little guy and joy in introducing Amy to her baby brother. There was also much satisfaction with our growing family.

I soon found out that no two babies are alike! I dug out the baby books and reviewed the month-by-month magazine on newborn development that Greater Regional Hospital sent home with me - dreaming of months ahead and night sleeping! Jud was his own little self right from the start. His January birthday guaranteed I'd be stuck inside for my six-week leave from First National Bank. My only outside contact was Paul.

I may end up having this hair again this year! A bit more gray. 

Some nights when Paul got home from work, I rushed out the door just for a break! Some of us may have those very feelings right now as we quarantine - being sealed up can be claustrophobic. When I went back to work, Jud went to Carol's with Amy. Carol loved newborns! And I appreciated adult interaction but was always excited to pick the kids up after work. Working fulltime helped me be a better parent when I was with our children.

So, we had two children, we thought our family was complete. Then, out of the blue, we started talking about another baby. I remember driving while delivering oxygen to people around southwest Iowa. A feeling came over me, telling me that was the right thing to do. Having a baby is always lifechanging. Having one that dies puts you on a different level of changed life.

Paul with Patrick

One thing that makes me sad about Patrick's short life is how I took his first two seemingly healthy days for granted. Don't we always find ways to blame ourselves? I'd had a C-section because he was breech, Paul brought the kids to visit. We were working on nursing - he was a bit tongue-tied. Then the nightmare of his heart crashing began. He was life-flighted to Methodist, we got the diagnosis and we went from joy to despair all in a matter of days. I'm so thankful I am able to be Patrick's mommy. He changed my life and continues to do so.

When life resumes in more normal ways, and I hear that "Mom, Mom, Mom!" I'll look, and then remember it's not my kid. For a very brief second, I'll wish it was.

It's a tough job - the best one I've ever had.

Advice: If you are struggling with young ones at home, try putting on some shades when you take a look back at the day. They are resilient little things. Yeah, they'll remember some of the weird stuff you did when they were little, like lock yourself in the bathroom for a self-timeout when you are feeling angry and a little out of control. We're all human. Do the best you can - find some space when you can't.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms with children near and far, here and gone.

Family!