Mom, Mom, Mom!

It's been a long time since I was in a crowd and heard someone yelling" Mom, Mom, Mom!" and my ears perked up - thinking, "is that my kid"? Even after our children were out of the nest my mom radar zeroed in on those calls - in a crowded store and at sporting events. What if Amy or Jud had snuck in and needed me? My point is - once one gives birth, Mom is forever.

Now that Jud and Kara are expecting a baby girl in September (yay!👶), I'm having memories of the pregnancy of our firstborn, Amy Elizabeth. Like the famous Butterfly McQueen quote from "Gone with the Wind" all I could think about when I learned I was pregnant was, "I don't know nothing 'bout birthing no babies!" or taking care of babies, raising babies, children - you get the picture.
As a youngster, I avoided babysitting. Babies and young kids were scary! I went along with some friends on their babysitting jobs, and my sisters babysat some. They seemed to know what they were doing. Not me! So as a young adult approaching parenthood, I took inventory. I'd held and been around niece Leslie - born the year before I was pregnant. My college roomie Vicki had her baby (even after the trial cat Cato didn't go so well) Kelli Behr, when I was pregnant. So little experience. I'd never changed a diaper or fed a baby. I was terrified! 

On my first Mother's Day - when I was pregnant with Amy, Paul and I drove from our home in Osage, Iowa to Austin, Minnesota to shop at the small mall there. He and I had a bet - one I couldn't lose. It was just a matter of time. If I ever saw a deer before he did, he'd buy me a diamond necklace. Yeah, that sounds simple now, but in 1985 in northern Iowa, they were rarer. On that day, I spied with my little eye a doe! He paid up with a simple gold necklace with a small diamond that I still wear today. It has all the feels!

Amy in car seat 

How did I cope with my concerns about keeping a tiny human alive once it made its exit from my body? Like I usually do - by reading! I purchased "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and the Dr. Spock baby book - a classic! I poured over the books.

Books did not prepare me for the pure joy and love I immediately had for the not so tiny (9 lb 7 ounces) bundle of joy born in mid-October (days later than the doctor promised). Amy Elizabeth was born just after 7 PM. I didn't sleep all night - even though the nurses took the precious bundle to the nursery. I was filled with adrenalin and the amazement of the miracle of birth. Plus I felt like I'd been hit by a truck!

Back then new moms/babes got to stay in the hospital for three whole days. St. Joseph Mercy in Mason City served Paul and me a fancy supper the first night - steaks and even a little bottle of wine. Amy seemed so tiny when we packed her off in the car seat for the half-hour drive to Osage from Mason City. She screeched part of the way and we felt so helpless in the front seat. We were on our way to many parenting hours/days of feeling helpless! Along with the good stuff, of course.

Through the first few weeks and months, poor Amy lived through trial and error. My mom came to help for a few days and was wise enough to know that her best role was cooking and doing laundry, allowing us to deal with the baby. Even after raising four babies, Mom knew that twenty-plus years had passed and she said she was out of practice. A heavy smoker, she kept her habit to the back porch on our rental place - which was good except that's where Paul put his deer hunting clothes! Oops. It was nice having her there doting on the baby. Dad made an appearance too - on his lingerie route. They bought us a rocking chair because you know - baby's need to rock.

Amy with Cabbage Patch doll Ollie Stanford in chair

In the mid-1980s, it was common for maternity leave to be six weeks - or less for some jobs. I believe I received some type of partial insurance payment for my time off of work. It was a good thing that I had that time. The pregnancy had taken a toll on my body. I'd gained over 40 pounds (note to partners - never mention to your wife that she now weighs more than you do) and my hip had been displaced by the time Amy was born. I was so glad that after a few weeks I could finally run again! Not really - I've never been a runner, except to dodge cars crossing the street. But I am able to walk fast! 

I continued to read and use trial and error. I knew projectile spit up wasn't normal. She ended up on soy formula - lucky she outgrew that milk allergy by toddlerhood. I didn't have any mommy peers in Osage to talk with about babies with, so the phone was my lifeline. It was long distance back then - so not as much chatting. That was a brutal winter in Northern Iowa so we didn't travel much. Doctor's well-child visits were also calming. Amy was thriving despite/because of us. One thing about babies - just when you get used to what they are doing, they're in a new stage!

We were blessed with the loving childcare we found for our children. It really found us in Osage when the ISU Extension Director, Neil Wubben told us his wife Karen would love to watch newborn Amy. Their four boys were growing up and she was looking for something to do. We delivered Amy to their home each workday as I toiled in the computer department at Fox River Mills, the sock/glove maker in Osage. Karen was a veteran Mom in caring for babies, which gave me comfort. 

In 1986, just after Amy turned one year old, we moved to Creston. We were sad to leave our wonderful childcare provider behind but were so fortunate that our realtor was connected. We met childcare provider Carol Frank, who lived just a few blocks from our new house. The whole Frank family pitched in with the kids being cared for at the Frank home. The Franks quickly became great friends and resources for a young couple with no family nearby (when Mom and Dad were in Florida half of each year).

Little Judson

When Judson was born a couple years later, I felt more like a veteran Mommy. A boy! We were shocked  - the first boy in our part of the Bullock fam since 1928. Again it was love at first sight with that little guy and joy in introducing Amy to her baby brother. There was also much satisfaction with our growing family.

I soon found out that no two babies are alike! I dug out the baby books and reviewed the month-by-month magazine on newborn development that Greater Regional Hospital sent home with me - dreaming of months ahead and night sleeping! Jud was his own little self right from the start. His January birthday guaranteed I'd be stuck inside for my six-week leave from First National Bank. My only outside contact was Paul.

I may end up having this hair again this year! A bit more gray. 

Some nights when Paul got home from work, I rushed out the door just for a break! Some of us may have those very feelings right now as we quarantine - being sealed up can be claustrophobic. When I went back to work, Jud went to Carol's with Amy. Carol loved newborns! And I appreciated adult interaction but was always excited to pick the kids up after work. Working fulltime helped me be a better parent when I was with our children.

So, we had two children, we thought our family was complete. Then, out of the blue, we started talking about another baby. I remember driving while delivering oxygen to people around southwest Iowa. A feeling came over me, telling me that was the right thing to do. Having a baby is always lifechanging. Having one that dies puts you on a different level of changed life.

Paul with Patrick

One thing that makes me sad about Patrick's short life is how I took his first two seemingly healthy days for granted. Don't we always find ways to blame ourselves? I'd had a C-section because he was breech, Paul brought the kids to visit. We were working on nursing - he was a bit tongue-tied. Then the nightmare of his heart crashing began. He was life-flighted to Methodist, we got the diagnosis and we went from joy to despair all in a matter of days. I'm so thankful I am able to be Patrick's mommy. He changed my life and continues to do so.

When life resumes in more normal ways, and I hear that "Mom, Mom, Mom!" I'll look, and then remember it's not my kid. For a very brief second, I'll wish it was.

It's a tough job - the best one I've ever had.

Advice: If you are struggling with young ones at home, try putting on some shades when you take a look back at the day. They are resilient little things. Yeah, they'll remember some of the weird stuff you did when they were little, like lock yourself in the bathroom for a self-timeout when you are feeling angry and a little out of control. We're all human. Do the best you can - find some space when you can't.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms with children near and far, here and gone.

Family! 

  

Calling it a Career

Last day of work picture

Paul G. Goldsmith has retired from the Natural Resources Conservation Service (NRCS). NRCS is a technical assistance arm of the Department of Agriculture - helping farmers conserve resources and preserve the environment. He started with that organization in Oakland, Iowa in September 1982 - right after we were married. We were babies! And didn't really understand the significance of the career he had undertaken and the impact it would have on our lives. I was just excited that he had a paying job near mine in Omaha!

Our 1982 engagement photo - I got a lot of mileage out of that blue blazer

NRCS soon realized what a gem they had. Paul was promoted to a "boss" of an NRCS office in Mitchell County in 1984 at the age of 26 working with farmers directly, promoting practices to reduce soil loss. And if you know farmers...As the son of a farmer, he did it very well! He moved between boards, the state office, and stakeholders with ease. And managed staff - most were much older than he was in those early years. We enjoyed our time "up north". I found a good job at Fox River Mills - a cool sock and glove factory - as their order department was just becoming computerized. We met many wonderful people and explored the area. But, when Paul had an opportunity to move south to a more challenging hilly county (with bigger deer) in 1986, he applied!

We moved to Creston in November 1986, taking our sweet one-year-old Amy with us. That led to a 26-year run in Union County, an awesome place to raise kids. And hunt deer. Paul career flourished there. He traveled to Washington, DC for training, was part of a hugely successful project to build Three-Mile Lake, which took many working parts and ongoing work on the watershed above the lake (and the lake next to it - Twelve Mile) to keep it from silting in.

I know I'm really not touching the surface of the number of projects Paul and the people he worked with accomplished. I've always told him - no matter what, he can always say he built a lake! I remember driving out and looking at where it was going to go. Now many towns and rural residents enjoy clean drinking water from the lake. The lodge on the lake holds weddings and cabins, family reunions. Not to mention the fishing!

I must admit I'd get a little crabby when a farmer would call at 4 PM on Saturday to ask Paul a program question. But one must consider they don't work office hours. Paul was always very patient, answering their questions. I know it's not heart surgery, but we dirt and trash people are very passionate about what we do. We often bring our jobs home with us. He lost a lot of sleep, worrying about work because he's a fretter and because he truly cared about the outcomes and their effects.

I put my career on hold as we followed Paul's. I feel fortunate that I was able to work in a number of interesting jobs - and eventually found my passion at age 40 doing environmental work too. Ten years ago, after both kids were out of the house, I took a job with the Department of Natural Resources in Des Moines, commuting back and forth. After four years, an opportunity came up at the NRCS state office in Des Moines for Paul - and we moved here.

It was hard to move away from the job he'd had for 26 years, but he was ready for a new challenge, managing the EQIP program. He's been very good at that, and they'll miss him. But Paul and I are very real about this retirement thing - we've seen it happen. You miss retirees, but it's like a pool. You get out - there are some ripples left behind, but eventually, the new swimmers take over. It's the way it is meant to be.

Paul graduated from Iowa State University with a degree in Fisheries and Wildlife Biology. It's hard to get a job in that field - and when you do, you work long hours. He got good advice when he was in school - take Agronomy! Then use your vacation hours to pursue your passion. I think he's even more passionate about hunting deer now than he was when we met...not just the actual hunt, but the sustainability of the herd, putting up stands, observation etc.

What's in the future. I'll continue to work. As I mentioned - no career for me until I was 40, so I need to put in some more time. We'll need to set some ground rules - my telecommute time on Friday mornings are sacred - I can't have him bugging me! haha  He will take some time to get his bearings. He has a number of home improvement projects he'll work on. Our children also have projects! Dad's got skills - yard, woodworking. Now that they have houses...

Paul had a retirement party on his last workday at one of our favorite places, a woman-owned brewery called Peace Tree in the East Village. Even though it was on a Thursday in January, many current and former co-workers came for a beer and a chat - a real tribute to the employee, boss, and friend he was. Our daughter Amy flew in to surprise him. She has the best boss to let her off (self-employed). That was a treat. Jud was there in spirit. Thanks to Paul's workmates for planning the party - it was perfect! It was fun talking to people - many had little Amy/Jud stories. And Paul stories.

It is an exciting time! And a little unsettling for someone who doesn't do nothing well - but he's got big plans.

   

NRCS likes clocks!