Coping with Grief

The title of the blog seems like an oxymoron in the beginning. It was the title of a CBS Sunday Morning Show article today. I think that show segment was for me. I'm self-centered like that. I try to see little bits of karma as signs in my life.

Grief has been on my mind this week as we learned of the brief illness and death of our Creston neighbor Bill Taylor. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in mid-October and passed away Friday at age 55. Joni and Bill with children Colby and Jenna lived across the street from us on the west side of Creston. Bill grew up in the area - a Diagonal kid. Look it up. It's got to be one of the smallest high schools in Iowa now.

Bill has been a fixture at the excellent community college in town - coaching and more recently as an administrator. I'm certain his coaching chops also extended to Colby and Jenna's traveling basketball teams. Both of them had/have awesome college basketball careers at Iowa colleges. I've seen young people's comments on Facebook and other sites - "Bill took extra time to work with me."  And "Bill sent me a note of encouragement after the game and I still have it today"

And now...Bill is gone too soon. The Creston community, the Southwestern Community College community and beyond to his extended community of athletes and students he has impacted will surround this family with love. They will help bear the mantle of grief, as much as they are able to. But then comes the really tough stuff. My heart goes out to them and to their extended families. Your prayers are appreciated.

This time of year is always one of grief and fond memories for our family. It's the anniversary of when we lost our special Bolder - my sister Cindy's husband, in 2012. He had a larger than life personality. Cindy is doing great - newly retired and planning a few trips. Their son Colby manages El Sabor, a restaurant in Vail. It's amazing how much he can be like Bolder at times! We love hanging out with both of them. They miss Boldie every day. Here's to you oldie moldie Boldie!

Do you have anything that happens, that you see, that you feel is a sign from a loved one that has passed on? For our son Patrick, who died at ages 6 days of a heart problem, it's usually something in nature. But for my dad, it's dropped ice cubes. He couldn't get ice at home without dropping at least one cube (icemaker days - not the dreadful ice trays). Our present icemaker helps me to remember Dad often.

Into Each Life

Finally, a home game day without rain...unless you count the OSU Cowboys raining long-distance scoring plays on our beloved Cyclones. It was brisk though. I'm not ready to bundle up this soon in the season. Guess what day it was? Octoberfest, y'all! 

Our "block" in tailgate land is similar to a neighborhood. Several of those who are here every home game "group up" to party together. Some knew each other before, but some just met through the grace of being Cyclone fans who tailgate. It's a beautiful thing! Sometimes we borrow a "cuppa sugar" from each other. Watch each others' TVs or just hang out. 

Bill lines up a tap to "schlag"

The Brockmann group goes big on Octoberfest, organizing teams and games. Some of the clan has young kids - enjoy seeing them grow up - "the Cyclone way". We got in on some of the fun - a competition with rules, a judge and everything. Hammerschlagen is a German game reportedly dating from 1940,] in which several contestants try to hammer a nail into a stump using the wrong end of the hammerhead. Our friend Kari ended up 2nd in the competition! I ditched my nail after many rounds of overshooting and undershooting. I blamed my eye doc - who was hammering just to my right. 

Bobbi holds her stein

Conovers stopped over. I finally got to meet baby Hank - son Phil's little guy. I talked Marilyn into posing with me in this photo. Sheryl & Bob Young stopped by with son Jubal - so great to see them. I hadn't seen Sheryl since she retired from being my ARNP caregiver (and friend) for many years. Gee, I miss her! Donnie's college pal Wally was in town - fun guy to chat with. And Kevin's bro Ralph. Our little group always enjoys our time together - we find things to laugh about no matter what.   

Me with Marilyn

Diana and Kari digging the tunes - Juicy Wiggle? 

Paul grilled thin ribeyes for sandwiches - they were delish! We had our traditional shots before the game. Too bad they didn't bring good luck this time. We got to the game with plenty of time for the flyover. So cool! The Cyclones never played up to their potential the whole game. Disappointing. A damper on a day that was an A+ otherwise. 

It was dark by the time the traffic cleared out and we decided to head home. Paul has a date with deer today. We were both exhausted. There is something about spending the whole day outside that makes you tired - in a good way. My cheeks were chapped. I'm glad I have Sunday to recuperate. 

The weeks are sailing by - my time working at DNR is ticking away. Of course, retirement is a topic of conversation wherever I go. Word has spread! It's amazing how many people, no matter what age they are, say they are pining for retirement. Paul retired last January - so it has been on my mind as he thought about it and planned it. But prior to that, we didn't think about it much. I started working at DNR at age 51, so I had that new job feeling for a long time, and I still enjoy my job. I hope everyone does! Of course, there are parts that are a drag - every job has those. 

Land Quality Bureau Retreat this week - packed Meals from the Heartland for 2 hours with workmates. 

Books and Tailgating

My book club assignment this month is "The Library Book", by Susan Orlean. It's not my fave book ever, but I did find some parts I enjoyed and learned from. So - a win.  I like it when I'm forced to read outside my genre. I don't make myself do it otherwise. I'm a suspense reader - mindless relaxation.

"The Library Book" is by a New Yorker reporter. She investigates the devastating 1986 fire that burned the  Los Angeles Public Library fire - all while weaving in the story of her love affair with books and libraries. The style is hard for me to get into, but I pulled out some gems that I loved.

Like this. All through time bad people have been trying to squelch information and books by burning them. Think of the Nazis. They hurt the Jewish people to the core by burning their beloved sacred books in public bonfires. Also - several months ago a religious activist burned LGBTQ books at the Orange City, Iowa library. He paid a fine.

As you can tell, written words are important to me. That's why I have such a love/hate relationship with social media where anyone can write anything. Anonymously or not. Like this blog. For now, I'll continue. Tomorrow I'll attend book club - so I'd better finish that book! I enjoy meeting with this group.

Football pageantry fan

It's not all about the game. My first tailgating memory is from Iowa City. That's irony for ya! Okay, I was raised a little Hawk fan - all those 60-3 drubbings we attended with the Pellets and other Atlantic fans in the 1960s and early 1970s. We cheered on our hometown hero Ed Podolak.

When I chose Iowa State for college, we didn't tailgate. We simply lugged our booze right into the stadium. Our cars - parked all week in the football field parking lot, overflow for our RCA (Maple Hall) dormitory and later our apartment parking. Come game day, we had to remove cars from stadium parking by Friday night. My roomie Jane found out the hard way (twice) what happens when you forget. Lucky the towed car lot was near our apartment.

So my first tailgating experience was in Iowa City at an ISU vs. Iowa game. We partied with my roomie Vicki's folks and their Hawkeye fan friends. They had an RV and lots of food and liquor! This is the life I thought to myself!

Post-college we met our friends for football games in Ames annually until our own children's' activities tied up weekends. Back then we could pay $15 and get a spot where we park now. Now those same spots require a hefty donation and season ticket purchase. Times change!

We have so many great memories of tailgating during Amy and Jud's college years. Creston friends, Don and Diana McKim upped the game by becoming the owners of a '92 Pace Arrow RV - a fab tailgating unit.

When Amy and Jud were at ISU, our friends' kids were there too. In 2008, Amy (and Kristina McFee and Ryan McKim's) senior year, Don parked the RV in the student section. Jud was a frosh. So many Creston kids and adults stopped by that day and some watched the game on the RV TV. It was "off the hook" (Guy Fieri quote there)

2012

2019

Last weekend our college friends were back - being empty nesters has benefits. They came to our place Friday night - Moose and Kay even brought blow up beds for overflow sleeping! So fun to see everyone. Walking tacos were on the menu - thanks to McKims and Ehreckes for their hospitality (and walking tacos). The weather cleared up and ISU clobbered TCU. What a day! College gave me so much more than an education.

Catching up

This guy and I plan to travel

Okay - it's been a while since I blogged. Blame writer's block. I had no words, no story. Just reporting on our activities seemed shallow. Paul and I had some health issues - the reality of "our 60's" bites. Don't worry - we're not on death's doorstep. Still - the new reality of the passing of our youth sucks. The good news is - it beats the alternative! Dirt nap.

So what's happening now? Retired Paul has been busy working fulltime in a contract job with the City of West Des Moines. He's a forester - trimming trees, spraying weeds, mulching and using software to track the city's trees. It's just what he needed - a job with very little stress. He's paid hourly and can take off whenever he needs to and will take a few month break over hunting season/winter.

Photo from Dubuque - work meeting there this week

I'm in my "senior" year of work. Last semester even! I plan to retire from my present job at the end of the year. I told my supervisor a couple weeks ago. Like Paul, I'll do something part-time in the future because we want to be able to travel and we'd like our funds to last.

We've been talking about our life change (both retirements) a lot! It reminds me of graduating from college - exciting and scary. What will we do? Where will we go? The world is our oyster - how will we crack it open?

Everyone tells me how great retirement will be. Still, it is a bit scary to me. I need structure in my life. I love reading, walking, biking. I plan to go to workouts at my gym - especially aqua. But I need more than that. So pursuing some type of flexible part-time employment will be good for me for the next few years. Flexible so we can travel more!

Wish me luck as I wind down my DNR career. The good news is that my supervisor at DNR (and the program I work with) has encouraged (and required) that I compile procedures for the major things I do. That will help the transition as the state can't hire anyone new until I'm gone. Stay tuned for more on this as I travel this road. It's my dream to do a Dive Bar blog as we travel.

Cleaning

Raise your mouse (or laptop touchpad) if you enjoy cleaning. Some people find great satisfaction in it. Not me! Sure I can do a little bit - the straightening, picking up part. I need a tidy area to help me relax. But deeper cleaning usually makes me mad. Why? It leads me to see things like - the floorboard needs to be painted or argh! There are dead flies behind the shutters and I didn't plan to clean there today. One thing leads to another...black hole.

I was with three friends last weekend when I had a Seinfeld moment. We were at an ISU game watch when the subject turned to cleaning. Paul was out of town that weekend - on a trip to New Orleans with Jud. They do an annual guy-trip to a pro football game for their teams. This year it was Cowboys vs. Saints. When Paul is gone I tend to do deep cleaning projects. I was bragging about how I'd cleaned out the frig that day. (I didn't even get mad). 

My friends started talking about cleaning. It turns out they all have the same magical cleaning lady. We'll call her Jean.  One friend said Jean even wipes out the microwave when she's at her house. The next person said, "Jean wipes down my shutters." "She watches my dogs when I'm gone," said Person 3. Egads! Who is this Jean and how can I be her friend? Alas, she's booked...of course, she is. Jean may hire an associate - but that person will never be "Jean". 

Grandma's Kitchen

I re-posted this on Facebook and got a few good replies, so I thought I'd share them on my blog.

• My HS classmate Becky Nelson Case said she'd have Pepsi and Pinwheel cookies. She even included a photo of the cookie package. I am shocked to announce that I do not remember Pinwheels. I thought we'd had them all! 
• Another HS friend says she'd have a homemade donut - doesn't that sound delish? 
• A pal who is the top boss at the Iowa City Landfill says sugar on tomatoes - sounding good this time of year!
• Classmate Toni Robinson Mason says homemade noodles and chicken along with divinity. I should not be reading this whilst hungry. Our "pretend" grandma, babysitter Lulubelle Herbert used to make homemade noodles - to used after she served used fried chicken the night before. We were eating good when the folks went out of town!
• The very best hairstylist says half & half on bran flakes with a touch of sugar. That sounds so very grandma-like, doesn't it? 
• Cathy Hjortshoj Hansen, another Atown friend, says sugar cookies were it. Nothing like fresh sugar cookies! Lulubelle made those too. 
• Longtime friend and HS classmate Ted Simpson stumped me with Pfeffernusse, Spaghetti-O's, and Sugar Pops. Talk about opposites! He says they are peppernuts. The other two were staples in the Bullock household. 
• When I saw this Meme, I thought of the times I stopped at my grandparents' home after walking downtown for library books and candy. Momo (my grandmother) would whip me up some ice milk (lower calorie ice cream?) and Hersey's Syrup out of a can. My sis Betsy says she'd have honey on her ice milk. Momo did also whip up some other good food - our Thanksgiving meals. I like reading her journals when she describes the meals she whipped up. 

Me with my grandparents and dog Charlie - I was a little weepie as my parents just gave me a horse for my bday! 

I'm sorry I didn't know my mom's parents well enough to even remember my grandma cooking. When we went to their house in Cedar Rapids it was always special and went to restaurants. Maybe my older sisters have some memories. 

Isn't it wonderful that we have these memories of our grandparents and food? If you read the list, most of it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but somehow our grandparents made it magical! If you have memories from your grandma's kitchen share them on this Facebook post. 

After a morning of buttery buttery toast

When we stayed at my parents' in Atlantic, I'd hear her enticing them with the breakfast menu - "buttery buttery toast". Mom did turn into a very good cook after we all left home. Too bad she died so young - only 68. 

So far Paul and I are grandparents to dogs - who are easy to please! They all like squeaky toys and Franklin is the quickest at ripping them to shreds. 

Summer Fun

I listened to a book this week that had flashbacks of the main character's childhood and his "gang". It was summer and they played with squirt guns. It made me smile. Good memories from my childhood!

It was such fun filling up the reservoir - the anticipation of firing it at some unsuspecting soul.

Minis - from birthday parties?

My walking down squirt gun memory lane took me to running through the sprinkler. That was another fun summer activity! It often took longer to actually set up the thing you were going to do than to do the thing.

• get hose
• attach to spigot
• realize you need another length
• attach that
• find the sprinkler in the garage
• put on swimsuit
• get towel
• prance through the freezing water with neighbor Laurie Reinertson, try to keep our little sisters out
• realize Dick Westbrook just mowed - wet grass is now stuck on your feet
• stomp through the basement dripping, and dragging in wet grass

You're welcome, Mommy!

Alaska Spendor

We took a long talked about a trip to Alaska in June. Ten fabulous days with four of our best friends. And we're all still friends after the trip (I think). I've known Vicki since one of my first days as a college co-ed and she walked in my room and asked me if I wanted to walk with her to get our ISU season football tickets. A lifelong friendship was born! Next, sophomore year I met Moose (Steve) who was lined up to be one of the football coaches for the Schilling House flag football team. I met Paul (my beloved) and Kay later - junior and senior years. Kay even knew Paul before I did, as their dorm floors had interacted.

First Alaska meal - on a lake with planes landing

So this group has lots of history. When we graduated, we kept getting together. Is that "failure to launch" when it comes to new friends? We did ski trips, annual 4th of July trips, and raised our children like cousins - at least until we all bought houses and our kids got busy in school. It isn't easy to stay in touch, especially through those busy kid years - but they are the friends who even if you don't see them, you pick up like no time has passed.

Now, every fall, Paul tries to round everyone up to attend an ISU football game. A couple falls ago we started talking about places we wanted to travel to. Alaska! But not a cruise. Vicki had lived in Alaska as a very young child. Her father worked for GE Corporation. Tragically her dad drowned while fishing and Vicki and her mom moved back to Iowa after that. She had cousins in Alaska so she also spent more time there as a kid. The allure was there for her to go back and see the state as an adult. The rest of us were interested in seeing a beautiful new state - for Moose (state #50).

We arrived in Anchorage on 6/12, rented a Chevy Suburban. Headed to Denali - just outside the National Park - 3 nights, Fairbanks, a mystery location (Majestic Valley Wilderness Lodge) south of Fairbanks, Whittier, Seward - 3 nights, Anchorage.

Flying into Anchorage seemed a lot like Des Moines - except for the mountains and all those float planes. The weather was fabulous (at least that's what they all kept telling us) while we were there. We had a great first lunch and checked out a free museum and the Ulu Factory Store. After a night there we took off north to the beautiful federal park - and the great mountain loomed largely - formerly known as Mt. McKinley, returned to a native name, Denali. We stopped at a pull off for photos. It is awesome and I was in its spell the whole time I was in its presence!

Rivers from glacier runoff are gray with silt

Awesome first view of Mt. Denali

You know it's not the same traveling with people at age 60+ as it was at age 20. Our accommodations were "interesting". For example, the place we stayed for three night at the Denali Grizzly Bear Resort was likely described as a quaint cabin. It was a creeky old place that reminded me of summer camp as a kid. When we first toured through the joint, Kay sat down and laughed maniacally. She volunteered for the top bunk with the painful ladder steps. The back deck view was the best part of the place. The one potty for six people kept busy!

That back deck at the Grizzly Mountain Lodge

It doesn't look bad from the outside...

The sights and activities at Denali made it all worthwhile! Our Back Country Adventures bus excursion (bus driver Steve was great and we were in the front of the bus) lasted about twelve hours on Day 1 in Denali. It was awesome. We saw glaciers, moose, caribou, fox, and bears. It was a long day but totally worth it.

We watched this moose for several minutes - plunge her head under water! 

The next day we stopped at the visitor's center and took a hike down to Horseshoe Lake. We saw a moose grazing in the lake - very cool! My investment in Merrell hiking shoes was well worth it! That night we ate at the Salmon Bake in a building that was crooked from frost heaved ground. The staff made a point of telling us the place was cleared by the health department. A tamed squirrel trotted through as Paul went to the restroom. We weren't in Iowa anymore!

Vistas were spectacular

Such beauty!

On Sunday, we headed north to visit the area of Vicki's early childhood - Nenana and Fairbanks. We stopped off in Talkeetna along the way for lunch. I think it was the "cutest" Alaskan village we visited. And it had a brewpub with a sunny deck and several stores and vendors.

Vic with bartender - who lived in Nenana when she did

The next stop was Nenana, a tiny village with that came up with a great gig - selling lottery tickets on when the ice goes out on the river each year. It's a huge money-maker. The general store was closed but the tavern was open. Yay. We got to meet several locals, including the bartender - a woman the same age as we are, who would have been living in Nenana when Vicki was living there. She was able to tell us many things about the time Vicki and her folks lived there. We met the pub owner and a brother and sister who enjoyed talking to aging Iowans about their lives in Alaska. When the woman hit for $300 on a scratch ticket, she bought a round for the house! This was one of my favorite stops - hanging with the locals. Or...it's just that I like dive bars - no matter where they are!

Fairbanks was fine (can you tell - not our fave place). Our hotel there was nice and clean and we all had our own rooms! It was on a popular river that people tubed kayaked and boated on. That was exciting. It's a blue-collar town. We drove around, got lunch and toured a small city park and had a nice meal at another brewery. Vicki had spent time with her cousins at age ten here and we tracked down their home. My how things look different fifty years later!

The next morning we headed south - stopping of course at the North Pole! Who can resist Santa's place? I was sad that Buddy the Elf wasn't there...

North Pole

Our next stop was a gem as we ended up getting "upgraded" to the big house. The Majestic Valley Wilderness Lodge is a helicopter ski resort in the winter - and is right next to the landing pad/airport. It was lovely and they treated us right.

Our hike at Majestic

We took a hike and had a lovely salmon meal followed by a dip in the hot tub. It was super. All of the places we stopped for gas and snacks each had their own stories - no Casey's General Stores out there in the wild. People were very friendly.

That night we were in for another interesting lodging night! After a stop by Girdwood, Alaska's ski resort to ride the tram to the top. This was our only somewhat rainy day. Everyone kept telling us how lucky we were. On to Whittier - where a one-way tunnel opens up hourly in an alternating fashion. It was a loooong tunnel! The town could be its own reality TV show as everyone lives in the same building. And guess where we were staying? In that very same building. On the front - it didn't look bad - 15-floor high rise. We drove around to the back to figure out where to check in. Ugh - the paint job hadn't extended to this portion of the building yet!

The town of Whittier lives here! We think the bus could be great for tailgating...

Our apartment was on the 15th floor - with a great view. We were able to do some laundry, people were friendly. Everywhere we went in town - they all lived there. The next day we took a half day Phillips Glacier Tour in Prince William Sound with super seats inside and a lovely seafood chowder lunch. Two forest service rangers narrated the tour and were super.

The blue color of the glaciers is a trick of the light

We left that night for Seward, which involved a trip back through Anchorage south to the Kenai Peninsula and the Gulf of Alaska.

Lodging just outside of Seward was the quaint Abode Well King Cabins - 3 darling tiny cabins, very clean with kingsize beds. The town itself was darling too. There were the marina and downtown. Their first night we hit - you guessed it - the brewery.

On Thursday we did an all-day glacier tour. I must admit I wasn't that excited about more glaciers after the previous day, but it turned out to be even better than the day before! We were in a smaller boat and we were able to see lots of wildlife - sea lions, whales, puffins. I gotta admit, the whale tail was pretty impressive! I don't have the camera to get good wildlife shots. Maybe after retirement...

The most moving thing was the Northwestern Glacier. It was named after the university. We got so close to it, the captain turned off the motor and we and experienced it calving - actually breaking down. The sound was like thunder and a jet flyover. Each glacier has its own personality, I'm sad glaciers are losing ground. This is our world - we need to care for it by reducing our human impacts. 

Our home for three nights - cozy! 

On day 2, Paul and Fred went Halibut fishing for 12 hours and Moose continued to drive the daisies (Kay, Vic and me) around. We had a fab breakfast and then did the tourist shopping thing downtown.  Later we hiked up to the Exit Glacier - you just can't get enough ice, ice baby! We stopped at a local bar and chatted up the bartender and her friend. I like doing that - a trick I learned from my brother-in-law, Bolder. She said she lived in Denali for 3 months and didn't see the mountain like we did. We feel so fortunate.

Exit Glacier

We spent a lot of time awaiting the great outdoorsmen to return from their fishing trip. They arrived an hour after the appointed time - Paul had a 60 lb Halibut in tow. We brought it home - fileted in a foam cooler - nom nom!

Halibut!

This is a big-eyed goldfish. No, not really! Yellow Eye Rockfish. They released it back y lowering it into the depths

On Saturday we trekked back to Anchorage with a stop at Cooper Landing on the way - to see the fly fishers in the river. They were nearly shoulder to shoulder! We had a nice lunch back in Girdwood before we arrived in Anchorage for our last night - celebrating Summer Solstice. Downtown was hopping and we checked out a couple breweries that were packed full. We got a spot on a rooftop for one and then ate at Humpies Great Alaskan Ale House. Our waitress was a young Bosnian native who shared her story with us - fascinating, as were all the nice people we spoke with.

Last night - water was as popular as the drinks!

Sorry if this rambled - it's one of the best trips I've ever been on. Great friends, beautiful scenery, wildlife, and wonderful people. Life is good!

View near our Seward cabin. I miss those mountains!