Here's The Deal

I heart this group

I scoffed at all of you who shed tears when your little ones went off to Kindergarten. When you told me you cried all the way home from dropping your young 'en off for their big college adventure, I was secretly smug. What's the big deal? Sure, I found it a bit unsettling when I no longer needed to purchase Pop-Tarts at Fareway after Jud left for ISU. Still, my steely heart didn't crack. I enjoyed my newfound empty nest status. I went off to an exciting new job in Des Moines.

Our kids were doing what they were supposed to - growing up.  Much like my own mother, I have not allowed myself to be very sentimental when our children hit those milestones. Happy for them and for me. Amy and Jud were ready for new challenges, and I didn't miss trying to keep them entertained at home. Win, win.

Imagine my surprise when the funk recently hit! Yep, I'm having my Kindergarten moment now. Each child is married and they are off on their own life's path. They have been heading that way for a long time - so I don't know why it's just hitting me now. Amy's marriage? All of their general good career paths? Home purchases? Turning 60? I'm not sure if there is any one thing that has set me off.

I guess I have some work to do. I'm asking myself - what is my purpose now? I'm still working and enjoy what I do, but am not exactly in the rising star portion of my career. It's somewhat freeing! I'm looking for volunteer opportunities. I'll write more about that later after I pass all my entrance exams. I'm on the lookout for more hobbies. Writing this blog is one outlet, my word jones. Thanks for reading and for your comments.

I'll work through my funk - just like you all did on that Kindergarten thing! Just wanted to share.

On to other things:
We had quite a weekend October 14th! It was a wet and soggy ISU victory over Kansas with our longtime (notice I didn't say old) friends. What a great crew! Paul met Mike and Tom in his first months of being a college student. Paul was a farm kid who didn't have many close hometown friends. He bonded with those two from the start. All these years later, their annual pheasant hunting trips have strengthened their bond.

Peace Tree - East Village

I enjoyed getting to know their wives Paula and Shirley better on that Friday night as we ventured downtown to visit the East Village - Peace Tree Brewery and the Republic bar overlooking DSM. Hustons live outside of LaCrosse and Sullivans in the NYC area. It's fun showing off our city!

Mike, Shirley, Tom, Paula

On Saturday, the rain came down early - so we delayed heading to Ames and ate our breakfast burritos right in our kitchen. Our friends Moose and Kay stopped by, so we had a house full, along with our overnight guests. Too bad the weather didn't cooperate. Our friends prepared like former scouts with rain gear for the ISU game. Once there, we were joined by our usual tailgating pals plus Behrs and Jaime Wilt and fiance Mike. We were able to swig down a beer before heading into the game.

Tents are a good thing! 

We don't care about no stinkin' rain delay! 

The rain stopped during the game. Mostly. Thanks, Paul Goldsmith for loaning me your camo rain pants.In keeping with tradition, wineskins made the game go by quickly. The Cyclones didn't give us cause for sorrowful drinks! I like this new, improved team. Post-game rain drove us to the motel where our pal Jane Flack appeared. Yay!

We took over the motel kitchen nook watched football games and chatted. When you meet friends in college, you don't have an idea just what political persuasion everyone will be. Hell, as I've stated before, I didn't even know what I would be. It was interesting discussing topics of the day and hearing areas of agreement and disagreement - without a civil war breaking out. Several of our friends own small businesses, so they have a different perspective than someone like me who has worked for others all of my life and most recently as a public servant.

I wish more people could step beyond their safety zones and exchange thoughts and ideas on these topics in mixed company. I believe we'd find that we have many shared goals - unlike what politicians and some of the media would like us to believe. Labels (liberal - which many use as almost as a slur, and conservative the same on the other side) are easy to slap on someone or a group, but do a disservice. I'm much more complicated than one label. I bet you are too.

On Sunday, a few of us took a spin through campus to reminisce and note how many new buildings ISU is putting up to meet today's student's needs. I love my university - and hope the new president is a great one! We even drove by 230 Campus Avenue - that fateful apartment where Paul and I met. Good memories. No Ames trip is complete without a meal at Hickory Park, with ice cream. The whole weekend had a cherry on it.

Food selection at Hickory Park is important work

Kids These Days

Kids these days...they can't get away with anything. I guess it's kind of their own fault. Or social media's.

Back when I used to walk five miles uphill both ways to school, before the advent of instant sharing of all things, kids did crazy things. It was rare for the press to pick up on the stuff we did and make it front page news. Today, there is no place to hid.

Like the Stanford Band, for instance. Their antics from the Rose Bowl were big news here in Iowa. Stanford Cow

While I wasn't at the game, and ESPN didn't care to show the performance once they realized the gig wasn't a marching band spelling out the word Cardinal. I didn't see it until Twitter links and articles began to show up online after the game. It seems Hawkeye fans booed the performance making fun of Iowa farmers and they began to tweet about it. Some of the tweets were a hoot! Like the guy who said he overheard someone in the crowd say "the cow isn't even shaped right"! Only an Iowan, right?

Soon the real news media was covering "the story". People were pleased to see that the Stanford Band is banned from traveling to games due some other antics having to do with alcohol and some such (not cows and Farmersonly.com). Still, some serious angst went out toward those kids. Iowans wrote columns about how important our state is in delivering food to America. Seriously? I doubt band members were thinking about food when they came up with the routine. (unless they were smoking doobies and had the munchies).

I was surprised that people got so bent out of shape about the band. Can't we laugh at goofy stuff anymore? Why must we be so serious all the time?

When I was in college, there was a terrible tragedy where a cult leader named Jim Jones talked hundreds of people into committing mass suicide at the People's Temple in Guyana. They drank poison mixed with Kool aid.

What did college kids at the U of I do? They had Jonestown parties with liquor and Kool aid (according to my Atlantic Hawkeye friends). I thought it was funny. Did we think about the victims or their families? No. We were self-centered college kids. It was all about us!

a pic of HS friends during college years

Does this prove we are uncaring souls? Not really. Just like those in law enforcement and health care professions - we need to carry on. Life can be stressful - even for supposed crazy college kids. Blowing off steam by being "bad ass" can help.

When we grow up that line gets much finer - we no longer get the "just a kid" benefit of the doubt. Some people say the PC police are overboard. For the most part I like the changes - in our behavior and the way we talk. I admit I'm embarrassed about some of the jokes I told in the past - they were quite racist and sexist. I'll probably continue to tell some sexist ones...

Sometimes I still like being a little bit bad.

Happy New Year!

It's like opening a present. The year 2016 is a gift perched on the table, dressed up in shiny wrapping paper - with ribbons and bows. It's full of opportunity! I'm excited. More than I have been about a new year for a while.

big hair

Let's take a quick look back at 2015. Not a bad year overall. They go by so quickly now - or has it always been that way, and I just didn't notice? Yeah, that was it. Like my 30's...where did they go? I feel like I missed that decade! When I look at photos from the late '80s to the late '90s, ugh. I know why I'd like to forget. Bad hair, glasses. I digress.

The year 2015 - the highlights revolve around our children of course. Jud asked Kara Whited to marry him - which we happily look forward to on April 23, 2016. They seem to enjoy their lives in St. Louis. Amy has settled in with a fella, Corey Park, and the two of them have adopted a puppy named Franklin. The three of them are moving to Pennsylvania in January for Corey's job. You know what. Seeing your kids lead lives where they navigate the ups and downs successfully - that is satisfying! Of course Mom and Dad still like the opportunity to weigh in with our opinions and back pats and hugs when necessary.

Paul and I both feel so rich when it comes to friendships. That doesn't happen easily - both parties must take time to nurture the relationship. Sometimes it might take a lot of work. Other times, you can lose track of someone and then connect again years later - like finding that long lost Benjamin you hid and rediscovered. Joy!

When I went to college I lost track of several of my high school friends. Oh sure I lived with Sally - and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. And Robyn and I kept showing up in each other's lives. Some of the others I'd see at class reunions - and we'd have fun catching up, but then off we'd go to our lives, raising kids or working. When our classmate Theresa Faust passed away right around when we all turned 50, several of us talked and decided we should get together in Omaha. I thought it would be fun, but that would be it.

I swear someone said to act goofy in this shot...homegirls

I was wrong! Thanks to Theresa, what happened was a reconnection with the grown up versions of a bunch of girls I didn't really know how much I loved. Now we seem to find ways to get together at least every couple years if not more often. We text each other frequently to say how important this group is to us. And to talk about funny things like anatomical mushrooms.

Though I don't get to see them as frequently, my college pals are as comfy as old shoes too. I can slip them on easily - like when Behrs and Wilts came to a football game in October. Paul too enjoys his pheasant hunting trips to SoDak with college pals.

Creston homies at the lake

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention our Creston pals - people who have hung with us since the '80s and looked past my bad fashions during those years...We had fun biking with Bobbie and Jeff this summer. Okay, I sat on the deck at the bar and made memories that included beer. It sure was fun though. Paul got to go to Lake of the Ozarks this year with Higgins and McKims while I did the Atlantic Homegirl thing, but I vow to plan my trips better in 2016. We got together with Lents and Weis's a couple times too. Our tailgating peeps, Kevin and Kari went all out this year and we had a great time despite our team's less than stellar play. I enjoyed several get-togethers with my bestie Deb - including a couple concerts and my only kayak outing of the year. There are too many others to mention. I love you all.

Deb and me

We are one of those families who actually like each other! Not everyone does....our Florida trip with my sis Cindo and her son Colby is what gets me through Iowa's winter. We were back in Colorado in May and visited Susi and Jim again in Grand Junction - such good hosts. The Goldsmith Golf Trip to Wisconsin is a perfect time to touch base with Paul's sibs - much better than trying to meet in winter months. We hope to see them soon at our nephew Craig's wedding in Iowa City too.

We loved having our own kids home for Thanksgiving. We had a blast and Franklin the puppy terrorized Odie joyfully! Of course we could pass up ended the year in Colorado again without going to Denver to see our Lamm cousins. And then on to Vail, to the Lefebvres even though the cherubs weren't with us. Our friends the Pottorffs hosted a grand Christmas din din as usual. The Sanders family and Frank are like our real friends too by now - after joining the group for seven whole years!

Yes, the rendition of the year is the sugar-coated version. You don't want to hear about doctor's appointments, job stress or the like. We had all that too. Sometimes I feel like we're in one of those old video games - we're all starships and something is shooting at us. Some of us get hit and knocked down. Some are just injured and keep flying. It can be brutal! My goal is to just keep flying in 2016 and to have fun along the way. I will surround myself with friends and family and be the best person I can be. Of course my very best friend will be by my side. #luckygirl.

Best wishes to you in 2016! We hope to see you. Help us open the present.

Don't fail to allow failure

Are we a nation of Helicopter parents? This article in HuffPo has me scared. The title is, "Are We Raising a Generation of Helpless Kids?"

A couple of the stories in the article have me shaking my head. What have parents come to? We're afraid to allow our children to fail - paving their way through life until...when? How will they react when something doesn't go their way?

One story in the article is about a college freshman who receives a C- on an exam and right in the middle of class, she calls her mommy who wants to speak to the prof. He declined. Pat Bullock wouldn't approve. She believed in the school of "hard knocks". You deal with it. Mom did have her limits.

She picked me up when I didn't get any bids to be a sorority girl at ISU. Mom knew when to swoop in when necessary. (I guess Betsy's car getting nailed before her early morning in-home nursing visit in Omaha didn't qualify - sorry Bets). Staying in Ames would have left me hanging in the wind all weekend at the dorm while the other girls I went through rush with were getting ready for their welcoming ceremonies - torture. I don't remember the ride back to Atlantic for Labor Day weekend, but I'll wager it was painful for both of us.

Mom had encouraged me to go to Ames for Rush Week. I was a Kappa Kappa Gamma legacy! She loved her sorority experience at the University of Iowa and remained active as an alum. Cindy also loved KKG at Drake. Neither of Mom nor I knew what was in store - that the Iowa State University Greek system was at an all time high in popularity. That this little somewhat introverted SW Iowa bumpkin without the hair fixing gene was ill-equipped to face the gauntlet of rush.

While getting ready for the tours and parties - I started to "get it" - I wasn't a good fit for sorority life. I'd put my clothes on (I hadn't purchased a new wardrobe for this occasion) and a little eye shadow. Done! The other girls - oh the gyrations they went through and the beauty that emerged when they were through. I still don't know how to do that stuff, and obviously don't care to learn...it's not in my nature. Why would someone want to curl their eyelashes. Ouch! My makeup kit is a joke.

After my rejection from the Greek System - it was hard to return to ISU. But I sure wasn't staying in Atlantic! I bet Mom was fretting about it as she dropped me off again. Of course I wasn't thinking about her - I was all about me!

Dorm party - my roomie frosh Loraine on the left, Vic on the right and Jane in the back

The good news was that my pals Sal, Julia and friends I was soon to meet - Vicki and Jane, were not sorority girls. They lived on my dorm floor. It turned out better than okay for me - I met lifelong friends and did just fine without the Greek system. Thank goodness my mother didn't call the KKG main office and force them into admitting me into that house. I bet she considered it though...


My fro makes me taller than 5'10" Sally?

The next challenge was that D I got in Biology! Mom didn't call anyone then either. I figured out on my own how to change majors (several times - ending up with Fred Hoiberg's dad as my advisor), looked into (and rejected) the idea of going to a smaller school, and arranged for a tutor. It was all really hard to do. Doing all these things helped me grow up. My parents provided support to me in weekly phone calls (and cash). By spring semester I was getting As and Bs. I took Biology over and received an A my sophomore year. Still, as a third child and an introvert, it took me a long time to mature - many more years past college. Growing up is hard, even with supportive parents.

We parents do not like to watch our children fail. It hurts! Just like when they fall down - our urge is to rush in and fix it for them. When they were babies and took a spill - you could downplay it. Instead of rushing over you could say - from afar, "You're okay!" They'd often dust themselves off and keep on going. Real life can work like that - encouragement goes a long way.

Paul and I cannot claim perfect parent status. Just ask out kids. I swear they remember every parental "No No" I ever did, not thinking about the times I read to them, took them to the playground - the good stuff! But we did allow failure, and punishment when they were naughty. Again - not perfect but not helicopter.

In 1997, when I worked as Recycling Educator in Creston and my office was at Creston City Hall, the McFees and Goldsmiths took the children to the Lighted Christmas Parade. There was a soup supper at the Meal Site at City Hall. The kids got antsy and started running around. Amy and Krissy locked themselves in the City Council Chambers. That infuriated Kimmy and Jud who poked a plastic thing into the lock and snapped it off. Oops!

Jud and Kim HS Grad

The parents required them to apologize to the City Manager (the custodian was able to remove the plastic item) who gave them each a couple hours of trash pick up duty around City Hall as penance. Lesson learned. (At least it made me feel better - haha.)

One other thing we held back on was talking to coaches. And our kids played about everything so there were lots of opportunities! Parents get too wrapped up in this little microcosm of life -we were guilty too. We talked about sports too much at home - in front of Amy and Jud.

Coaches (and teachers) are like bosses - you're going to have good and bad ones. Kids need to learn to deal with them. It will help you later in life. They shouldn't have to put up with abuse, but when it comes to playing time - let them deal with it.

I believe in people being accountable for their actions. Too many parents today are trying to find ways to hold others accountable for what their kids do. How will that help them succeed in life?  I'm preaching to the choir here - I just wanted to let you all know that you're doing the right thing. It's not always easy. But it's right.

Don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy

Paul and I are heading to Omaha to see the Eagles tonight! A bucket list thing. Yah, I know - they're in DSM tomorrow, but when we bought the tickets, we weren't sure when the Cyclones were playing football again. So we decided to see them in the CLINK. That's what they call the Century Link Center in Omaha.

The Eagles and members have a big place in my life, starting in high school and running on through until now.
The title of this Blog. This might sound nutty - but sometimes I get sick of my own voice. Like when I talk too much. I wasn't blessed with musical pipes like some people I know. My pal Robyn is a radio deejay and does voice-overs. But it's more than just my voice. I need to quiet myself - to re-set. It's hard to explain, but I always thought that Eagles song kind of "got it".

Eagles member - Joe Walsh's Rocky Mountain Way has always been a favorite.

1. Because I love the Rocky Mountains and my peeps that live there
2. It's an easy song to play air guitar to
3. We borrowed Moose and Steve's stereo for one of our classic college parties and that was one of the albums we played

 

 

Throw back photos - college parties. Note I'm wearing a flower - my birthday? Love those roomies!

Mike McCauley attended one of our parties. I am so sad to learn about the death of his dad Dick McCauley. I spend many happy and fun times with the McCauley family when Mike was my boyfriend in high school. Thoughts and prayers to them and to Pat as she recovers from her injuries from the car wreck that took Dick's life.