You Were Right!

Nell, nestled in my arms!

I've been hearing for years how wonderful being a grandparent is. You were right! 

What is Nell thinking about? 

Paul and I spent five days in Saint Louis last week with Jud, Kara, and our new grandchild, Nell Marie, born September 5th. I loved holding that little person - just gazing at her. She's a beautiful drama queen who makes lots of faces as a newborn. Did my babies do that? Smiles, frowns, surprise, and the deep sleep "like a baby". 

Paul's look says it all, Patrick our angel

I must admit that the first time I held Nell I felt a huge range of emotions. It was bittersweet because the last baby I held from our family was Patrick George, our son who passed away at six days from a congenital heart defect. He was that same size and looked similar to Nell. After Patrick was diagnosed, life support was removed and we held him for over two solid days until he passed in Paul's arms. 

Poppa has me! 

Hey baby girl! 

Jud and Kara knew of Patrick's history and Nell's heart has been checked out - even while she was in the womb. Technology today is amazing! On the day we met and held Nell, I told Jud and Kara that I had those feelings. I didn't know that those feelings would creep up. Paul admitted he had them too. Kindly, they made sure we had plenty of chances to hold that precious baby girl. Soon, those memories were put away - somewhere Patrick is looking on! 

It's very rewarding seeing your child as a parent. Jud is a very hands-on papa! I loved seeing him hold that baby girl in his huge hands. He and Kara are doing a great job working as a parenting team. Nell is cooperating by being a pretty good sleeper so far! 

Paul and I tried to stay out of the way during our visit - concentrating on food (I was wishing Paul and I were better cooks, but we did the best we could), cleaning up, dog duties, and Paul did yard chores. There are many new baby equipment inventions - very helpful. We got plenty of Nell time too - giving Jud and Kara to rest from night feedings. It was hard to leave on Friday. We know Nell will grow and change so much before we see her again! I'm already plotting my next visit.

Becoming a newly minted grandparent has led me on a nostalgic trip down parenting memory lane. That and sorting through a box of old photos from back when a camera was just a camera. In those days one  actually had to plan ahead when I wanted to record an event for posterity - the days of film. Sometimes several events would be on one roll of film, birthday, Christmas, birthday. 

The photographs helped me remember many good times - from early interactions with Paul while we were at ISU to our children's' early childhood events including birthdays, holidays, and just messing around. Seeing those pictures was good for me. Sadly, in my mind's jaded eye, I had started to think that I was not the mom of younger children I wished I had been. My most vivid memories are of the times I "cracked" and didn't handle the pressures of momhood as well as I would have liked. Toddler logic (lack of) was hard for me. 

Amy and I help Jud blow out his candle. Krissy observes seriously. 

Looking at the joy on my face in the pictures reminded me of all of the times I didn't snap - which was much more often than crabby Mommy. Why does our mind insist on hanging on to negatives? The photos reminded me of so many great kid activities - visiting Creston City Parks with our faithful canine companion Moki (he liked going down slides), playing in the yard, hide & seek, bathtime with lots of tub toys, and baking together.  

  

Looking back, I wish I had been the mom that let the kids make more messes - I was always thinking ahead to cleanup. I hope to be a grandma that is less worried about messes. 

One place we did get messy was the kitchen. We baked together, which resulted in a few eggs cracked on the countertop - even the floor! And they loved licking the beaters. Amy enjoyed art projects (some messy) and who could forget backyard pool days. Pool preparation took much more time than Amy and Jud spent in the pool, but the anticipation was part of the fun. Alas, the temperature of the water coming from the hose would be frigid! Buckets of hot water were required to heat the water.  Pool toys and soggy towels - ah summer!  

Those parenting years roll by so quickly. I couldn't wait until they were out of diapers, then they were in school, sports, and all those milestones. I didn't know how special it was - the last time I read to them or held their hand walking into church. Seemingly overnight Amy and Jud grew up. 

Parenting is a busy life, one that doesn't slow down much until they graduate from high school. Some moms mourn their children's steps toward independence - school, driving, dances, and moving away. I celebrated those - with a small sense of loss, much overshadowed with joy for their journey to be successful adults. Paul and I do love this stage - adult children are wonderful! 

I enjoy seeing photos of you, your grandkids, young and older, babies, prom, and sports. That is why I stay on Facebook. Plus it gives me a place to share my own photos. Facebook friends often tell me - you do so many fun things! It's true. We try to think of fun things to do. Sometimes the little things are the best - a hike, followed by a beer at a brewery. Paul pushes me as he's less of a homebody than I am. We have worked to stay connected with friends from throughout our lives. Connectivity is our superpower. And now along with being parents (and in-laws) we're grandparents! More fun to come.