Loneliness

Everybody needs buddies. But buddies can't be magically summoned from thin air. They take nurturing, just like a little plant from a seed. Sure, full grown plants are nice to purchase - all growed up and beautiful, but they can wilt as soon as you get them home, and somehow, even if they bloom they're not quite as satisfying as a beautiful flower you grew from a seed.

Aww what a gooey sweet analogy. But it works. I'm funny about friends. I'm definitely not quick to make 'em. I bide my time and let things develop slowly. My longtime friend Robbie Dob (whom I've been friends with from childhood so I didn't have to go thru any awkward making friends stage) makes friends easily and quickly. I recall when we all lived in Omaha, she once made friends with someone she met at the Laundromat, and met that person for drinks later.

I would never do that. I would be more likely to observe that person and their laundry through several weeks, gradually making small talk - seeing if there were any warning signs of psychotic behavior, bi-polar disorder, or drug abuse and the like. If they pass that test, I might suggest something like a coffee date. (assuming of course I pass their muster - and I freely admit I'm not everyone's type)

I've worked at DNR in Des Moines for 7 months now, and I'm finally getting to the point that I can get beyond the basic chat with a couple co-workers who seem like friend material. Yep, I'm slow that way. I guess that way I can savor the process. Yep, I've felt lonely at work. A couple of the younger women let me chat with them, but I know I'm not yet one of the group. (will I ever be?) My cubicle can sometimes feel like it's in the middle of the Sahara - a desert devoid of friendly faces.

When I go home (to my home away from home in Waukee) at night I feel alone. Especially when Joanie isn't home. Sometimes I delay going there by shopping or stopping for a meal. Just to be around other people - to hear their conversations and laughter. I have always been one who is pretty comfortable being lonely - I've spent a great deal of time alone. For the first several months that we lived in Osage I traveled each week to Wisconsin, staying in lonely motels. I knew my honey was home alone too then. I'm lucky I love to read books and they've comforted me through many a lonely night, and when I didn't want to face some reality I didn't want to.

The important thing is to realize that we all have people who love us. Even if they aren't with us.